I'm kind of having a hard time lately. Well, technically, this week. It's no secret that I want to be married. I've talked about here. I've had/have friends praying with me. I've had numerous discussions with God and others about this. Seemingly to no avail (although hope remains).
Over the last month or so, I've had a keen longing for connection. The desire to love and be loved. The desire to learn about someone, laugh with them, and to feel the joy over God's provision of this man. Despite this constant longing, I've been okay. I haven't become discouraged or frustrated or lonely or anything. It's been there in the core of my heart and mind but it hasn't consumed me, which has been surprisingly nice!
However, I've had two dreams in the past week where I've found myself in a new relationship and quickly we begin holding hands. I have felt cherished and wanted in my dreams. And then I wake up, immediately very aware of my singleness. I'm not going to lie...it's been hard. The loss and heartache has weighed on me long after the dream was over.
To end on a positive note, this has kept me communicating with God...and He is my Comforter (among many other attributes). "The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him." Psalm 28:7 Amen.
I'll be okay.
Showing posts with label men. Show all posts
Showing posts with label men. Show all posts
Thursday, January 27
Friday, December 31
A holiday letter
Dear God,
I love my family...You know that!
And I love spending time with my family...so don't think me ungrateful!
But if possible...if you could help me out...I'd really like the opportunity to spend next Christmas and/or New Year's with someone else and his family and friends.
No, I don't have anyone specific in mind...but I'm hoping you might.
Anyhow, I just thought I'd put my request in early on.
Sincerely and hopeful,
Yours.
I love my family...You know that!
And I love spending time with my family...so don't think me ungrateful!
But if possible...if you could help me out...I'd really like the opportunity to spend next Christmas and/or New Year's with someone else and his family and friends.
No, I don't have anyone specific in mind...but I'm hoping you might.
Anyhow, I just thought I'd put my request in early on.
Sincerely and hopeful,
Yours.
Monday, May 10
You
I long to talk with you.
I am not a huge talker to be honest, but long to hear your voice and to chat about random daily things, things both insignificant and important.
I long to hear your heart.
I long to hear your dreams, prayers, wishes, thoughts about God and goals in life.
I long to hear your laugh.
I long to hear the life and joy of your laughter. It will be a delight in making you laugh and to laugh because of you.
I long to hear your voice.
It will bring joy, comfort, excitement and peace to my soul. Your voice will admonish, correct, guide, and teach me. Sure, there will be times when your voice will aggravate or frustrate me (and I you) but I'm willing to have those moments too.
But more than all this, I long for your presence.
To know that even if we are not talking or laughing, you are there for me and I am there for you.
I am not a huge talker to be honest, but long to hear your voice and to chat about random daily things, things both insignificant and important.
I long to hear your heart.
I long to hear your dreams, prayers, wishes, thoughts about God and goals in life.
I long to hear your laugh.
I long to hear the life and joy of your laughter. It will be a delight in making you laugh and to laugh because of you.
I long to hear your voice.
It will bring joy, comfort, excitement and peace to my soul. Your voice will admonish, correct, guide, and teach me. Sure, there will be times when your voice will aggravate or frustrate me (and I you) but I'm willing to have those moments too.
But more than all this, I long for your presence.
To know that even if we are not talking or laughing, you are there for me and I am there for you.
Saturday, March 20
All that is needed is a good night's sleep
**Update--Sleep helped and yes, God is more than enough.
It's days like this that are hard. Days like this when the fact that I am single is blantantly obvious and loneliness is my sole companion.
The last day or two, I have been missing my friends. And while I have friends around me here at home, my heart yearns for those who are far away.
I am someone who makes casual friends somewhat easily but deep cherished friendships are few. God has blessed me with at least one person from each place I've been but leaving them behind isn't easy. I usually try to console myself that God has given me this or that friendship for a season but during times like this, the past season doesn't feel like enough. Sparadoic emails or phone calls don't feel like enough.
And suddenly, my apartment no longer feels like solace but a cave. I'm here, alone, with no one to talk to, no one who cares, no one to understand/distract/listen to me. Yes, I know I could call half-a-dozen people who very much care about me. But they are not here now.
It sucks being 30 and single. I want so much more. And while I don't believe that a husband will solve my bouts of loneliness (or any other problem), there is a companionship, a friendship, a partnership that accompanies a marriage. A friendship that I would so love to lean on right now.
Instead, there is no one.
Except God.
Who should be enough.
It's days like this that are hard. Days like this when the fact that I am single is blantantly obvious and loneliness is my sole companion.
The last day or two, I have been missing my friends. And while I have friends around me here at home, my heart yearns for those who are far away.
I am someone who makes casual friends somewhat easily but deep cherished friendships are few. God has blessed me with at least one person from each place I've been but leaving them behind isn't easy. I usually try to console myself that God has given me this or that friendship for a season but during times like this, the past season doesn't feel like enough. Sparadoic emails or phone calls don't feel like enough.
And suddenly, my apartment no longer feels like solace but a cave. I'm here, alone, with no one to talk to, no one who cares, no one to understand/distract/listen to me. Yes, I know I could call half-a-dozen people who very much care about me. But they are not here now.
It sucks being 30 and single. I want so much more. And while I don't believe that a husband will solve my bouts of loneliness (or any other problem), there is a companionship, a friendship, a partnership that accompanies a marriage. A friendship that I would so love to lean on right now.
Instead, there is no one.
Except God.
Who should be enough.
Tuesday, February 2
A German Memory (in English)
There are a fair number of people who want to see me get married as much as I would like to be married. I love their support and am touched when they share their wishes and prayers for me.
When I served in Germany, I worked with approximately 14 middle school students who, God bless them all, wanted me to get married. They tried to encourage me to "hook up" with another single younger guy there. They talked about their distance single relatives. I smiled, I laughed, I rolled my eyes. Until one day...
One day, someone brought up that Aunt Mindy (which is what everyone called me) should join a dating site online. So a number of those blessed teens ran over to the computer and went to Yahoo's or MSN's dating page (I think) and started filling out a profile. I was nearby so that I could make sure they wouldn't hit the "submit" button or see inappropriate profiles. The little dears filled in the information they knew about me and made up what they didn't know. Then, they got to the page where you can choose what qualities or features you want or like in the opposite gender.
Would you believe that my kiddos found the one trait that nobody on this dating site had ever yet chosen...they decided I had to have a man who's best feature was a "hot bellybutton." Yes, it's true...under best features was a "bellybutton" option. We all started laughing hysterically.
Sad to say, there were zero options.
When I served in Germany, I worked with approximately 14 middle school students who, God bless them all, wanted me to get married. They tried to encourage me to "hook up" with another single younger guy there. They talked about their distance single relatives. I smiled, I laughed, I rolled my eyes. Until one day...
One day, someone brought up that Aunt Mindy (which is what everyone called me) should join a dating site online. So a number of those blessed teens ran over to the computer and went to Yahoo's or MSN's dating page (I think) and started filling out a profile. I was nearby so that I could make sure they wouldn't hit the "submit" button or see inappropriate profiles. The little dears filled in the information they knew about me and made up what they didn't know. Then, they got to the page where you can choose what qualities or features you want or like in the opposite gender.
Would you believe that my kiddos found the one trait that nobody on this dating site had ever yet chosen...they decided I had to have a man who's best feature was a "hot bellybutton." Yes, it's true...under best features was a "bellybutton" option. We all started laughing hysterically.
Sad to say, there were zero options.
Saturday, January 30
Reflective me and a phone call
My posts have been a bit reflective lately...more serious natured.
And that's okay...with the things that are on my heart, I could probably continue this reflective nature for another couple weeks. I've always been a thinker...by writing down things, it helps me focus and process my thoughts.
But my thoughts are not always weighty. I am an optimistic person and love finding humor in my day to day life. So instead of processing more thoughts over the next week or two, I am going to share more humor...or try to at least.
I had the funniest phone call yesterday that left me chuckling for a few hours...actually, I'm still chuckling. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this guy that I work with before. We have never met but have been phone friends for two years now?!? We get along so well and we make each other laugh.
My job never gets me out of the office except for one day a year. Every February, there is a food show in Seattle that our office goes to and helps with. Last year I totally expected to finally meet R but he never showed. Granted, I don't know what he looks like but I figured someone would introduce us...I'd hear his voice which I know...I'd see his nametag or visa versa, etc...but it didn't happen. I called him up the next day to tease him about not coming only to find out "surprise!" he was there and talked with my co-workers. We laughed and said...see you in February 2010.
In order to not have a repeat this year, I wrote on my calender to call R a couple days before the show to "personally invite him to show up this year." Well, R called me yesterday at work and mentioned that his February was pretty packed with meetings and trips. This prompted me to ask if he'd be at the food show in Seattle on Feb 23rd, to which he sheepishly admitted that he just booked a trip to Chicago during that time. Really?!?
At the end of our phone call, he said, "See you February 23rd."
Yeah, in 2011!
And that's okay...with the things that are on my heart, I could probably continue this reflective nature for another couple weeks. I've always been a thinker...by writing down things, it helps me focus and process my thoughts.
But my thoughts are not always weighty. I am an optimistic person and love finding humor in my day to day life. So instead of processing more thoughts over the next week or two, I am going to share more humor...or try to at least.
I had the funniest phone call yesterday that left me chuckling for a few hours...actually, I'm still chuckling. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this guy that I work with before. We have never met but have been phone friends for two years now?!? We get along so well and we make each other laugh.
My job never gets me out of the office except for one day a year. Every February, there is a food show in Seattle that our office goes to and helps with. Last year I totally expected to finally meet R but he never showed. Granted, I don't know what he looks like but I figured someone would introduce us...I'd hear his voice which I know...I'd see his nametag or visa versa, etc...but it didn't happen. I called him up the next day to tease him about not coming only to find out "surprise!" he was there and talked with my co-workers. We laughed and said...see you in February 2010.
In order to not have a repeat this year, I wrote on my calender to call R a couple days before the show to "personally invite him to show up this year." Well, R called me yesterday at work and mentioned that his February was pretty packed with meetings and trips. This prompted me to ask if he'd be at the food show in Seattle on Feb 23rd, to which he sheepishly admitted that he just booked a trip to Chicago during that time. Really?!?
At the end of our phone call, he said, "See you February 23rd."
Yeah, in 2011!
Friday, October 23
Paging Prince Charming
So this past week while I've been home with the swine influenza, I've been diligently watching "The Office," a comedy that so many people I know enjoy. Furthermore, a number of girls that I know love John Krasinski, who plays Jim Halpert on the show. Not being a watcher of the program, I would look at pictures or previews of Jim on "The Office" and think, "I don't see it [the girls love of John Krasinski]." All that has changed this week.
The character of Jim is so funny, charming, supportive, imaginative, and good. Through these attributes, I now see a male character that is worth adoring. I have joined the herds of females who adore Jim Halpert aka John Krasinski.
Sooooooooo, this of course, has gotten me thinking about Prince Charming. I am 30 years old and have wanted my whole life to be married and have kids. It was all about being a mother up until I first fell in love, which is when I first genuinely wanted to be a someone's wife. The tide completely changed through one class at college, when I suddenly wanted to wait on motherhood...being responsible for kids skeered the bejezzers out of me. I was about 23 at that time. All I wanted, probably up until a year ago, was to have a husband...I knew and wanted kids to follow but a few years afterwards. Within the last year, in light of my 30th birthday, I think kids have crept back into the main picture. I want kids in my life. I'm not afraid of raising kids but want it and embrace it. I still want a husband and marriage first and foremost but my body and heart occasionally aches for what isn't there.
Its not about status, achievement, planning a wedding, or having the American dream. I want a husband because I want that special relationship that comes with a husband: a support, a helper, a guide, a believer, an encourager, a listener, a teaser, a flirt, a lover, a giver, a friend, a joy, a joker, a strength, a partner. Sure, I know that Prince Charming may one day have a gut, be bald and may struggle with communication, but I'll take it....I'll take it all just to have it all.
I know the women's movement has campaigned about being complete without a man. I am complete with God in my life. He and I, we're a team. He leads, I follow. When I don't follow, He waits, encourages, convicts, challenges, teaches and loves me regardless. I will be happy serving Him wherever He wants me to be, even if I'm single the rest of my life. HOWEVER, my heart and my life was made for relationships. I have so many wonderful relationships in my life but feel an ache in regards to a husband and kids...a missing, sitting, anticipating ache. I keep trusting God...I keep clinging and walking with Him. He knows I'm waiting for Mr. Right, Jim Halpert, Mr. Darcy, Prince Charming or even an average John, Bob, or Tom. My aches, frustrations, and tears do not surprise Him or overwhelm Him. I am so thankful that I am free to come to Him whenever I need to revisit this area of my life. I know that the day He brings Prince Charming into my life that I'll say, "This is what I've been waiting for. This timing and this man is perfect for me. It couldn't have happened any other way." But until then, I don't mind continually asking the Lord if He could page Prince Charming for me and tell him (Prince Charming, not God, that is) to get a move on it!
The character of Jim is so funny, charming, supportive, imaginative, and good. Through these attributes, I now see a male character that is worth adoring. I have joined the herds of females who adore Jim Halpert aka John Krasinski.
Sooooooooo, this of course, has gotten me thinking about Prince Charming. I am 30 years old and have wanted my whole life to be married and have kids. It was all about being a mother up until I first fell in love, which is when I first genuinely wanted to be a someone's wife. The tide completely changed through one class at college, when I suddenly wanted to wait on motherhood...being responsible for kids skeered the bejezzers out of me. I was about 23 at that time. All I wanted, probably up until a year ago, was to have a husband...I knew and wanted kids to follow but a few years afterwards. Within the last year, in light of my 30th birthday, I think kids have crept back into the main picture. I want kids in my life. I'm not afraid of raising kids but want it and embrace it. I still want a husband and marriage first and foremost but my body and heart occasionally aches for what isn't there.
Its not about status, achievement, planning a wedding, or having the American dream. I want a husband because I want that special relationship that comes with a husband: a support, a helper, a guide, a believer, an encourager, a listener, a teaser, a flirt, a lover, a giver, a friend, a joy, a joker, a strength, a partner. Sure, I know that Prince Charming may one day have a gut, be bald and may struggle with communication, but I'll take it....I'll take it all just to have it all.
I know the women's movement has campaigned about being complete without a man. I am complete with God in my life. He and I, we're a team. He leads, I follow. When I don't follow, He waits, encourages, convicts, challenges, teaches and loves me regardless. I will be happy serving Him wherever He wants me to be, even if I'm single the rest of my life. HOWEVER, my heart and my life was made for relationships. I have so many wonderful relationships in my life but feel an ache in regards to a husband and kids...a missing, sitting, anticipating ache. I keep trusting God...I keep clinging and walking with Him. He knows I'm waiting for Mr. Right, Jim Halpert, Mr. Darcy, Prince Charming or even an average John, Bob, or Tom. My aches, frustrations, and tears do not surprise Him or overwhelm Him. I am so thankful that I am free to come to Him whenever I need to revisit this area of my life. I know that the day He brings Prince Charming into my life that I'll say, "This is what I've been waiting for. This timing and this man is perfect for me. It couldn't have happened any other way." But until then, I don't mind continually asking the Lord if He could page Prince Charming for me and tell him (Prince Charming, not God, that is) to get a move on it!
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