I'm kind of having a hard time lately. Well, technically, this week. It's no secret that I want to be married. I've talked about here. I've had/have friends praying with me. I've had numerous discussions with God and others about this. Seemingly to no avail (although hope remains).
Over the last month or so, I've had a keen longing for connection. The desire to love and be loved. The desire to learn about someone, laugh with them, and to feel the joy over God's provision of this man. Despite this constant longing, I've been okay. I haven't become discouraged or frustrated or lonely or anything. It's been there in the core of my heart and mind but it hasn't consumed me, which has been surprisingly nice!
However, I've had two dreams in the past week where I've found myself in a new relationship and quickly we begin holding hands. I have felt cherished and wanted in my dreams. And then I wake up, immediately very aware of my singleness. I'm not going to lie...it's been hard. The loss and heartache has weighed on me long after the dream was over.
To end on a positive note, this has kept me communicating with God...and He is my Comforter (among many other attributes). "The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him." Psalm 28:7 Amen.
I'll be okay.
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