Bruises, Blessings & Busyness

Have I ever written about the two years I spent in Germany? If I have, it was probably in regards to my kids there or my travels and nothing more. I worked at a boarding school. My role was to take care of the kids while they attended the school...I did all the things that parents would for their kids: cook, clean, help them with homework, tuck them in at night, drive them to school, play, discipline, and love them! I loved my ministry. It was the best job I've ever had thus far! It was also the hardest two years of my life.

I'm not going to get into details. But I came home from my two years feeling quite bruised. My church dropped the ball in receiving me home and so, besides my immediate family, I felt I had nobody and became emotionally withdrawn.

I've been home from Germany for 4 years now and I feel that over the last year and half, life has been breathed into me once again. It has been a lot harder to "re-open" myself up than it was to withdrawl. The process of "re-opening" myself has made me feel more emotionally spastic.

Anyhow, this past week at my church was mission's week. One of our guest missionaries was the dad of one of my Germany kids. It was wonderful to see him again and to catch up with his family. What I did not expect was last night.

Last night, I was hanging out with my friends, Brian and Erin, and Mark, the missionary. At one point during the night, Mark looked at me and said he had a big question for me. He proceeded to ask me to talk about my two years in Germany and asking specific questions about how I felt about this or how I reacted to that. **inhale, exhale** I talked and talked and talked. He listened, encouraged, and breathed a blessing over me.

I went home (and woke up this morning) thinking over and over how much of a blessing that was to me. It is one thing to share the bruises with those who didn't see that part of my life but it is another thing to share with someone who understands. I am still basking in the unexpected blessing. But having talked/relived those experiences has also left my heart feeling bruised again.

I expect those bruises will always be imprinted on my heart, to some degree.

One message I have been hearing this week, both from the missionaries and from God, is that God has a plan for me. I have a phone call scheduled with the a key person next Friday, the 12th. My last couple conversations didn't go so well, in my opinion, so I want to make sure that I am ready. I want to spend some time early next week, thinking through who I am, how God has made and equipped me, and what I can offer in ministry. I have some work to do. But first I need to get through this busy homework week...no rest for the weary...at least not until Saturday, the last day of class.

**Today starts my February challenge: walking or running 4 times a week. I did really good with January's challenge except for this past weekend. I forgot to take home my water bottle and just didn't drink enough water.