Friday, May 20

Remembering the scars

Today is one of those work days where starting around 9am, I was thinking...come on 5pm. There is tension in the office for reasons I won't explain. But having been on the receiving end of some of the reasons, I am sitting at my desk quietly, try to keep a pure mind through prayer and streaming music.

My boss' wife even came in today and commented, "boy is it sure quiet in here." My reaction was to roll my eyes...mainly in response to how quiet it has NOT been in here.

It's amazing how one little action, the rolling of my eyes, caused me to have a flashback to another point in my life where there was conflict and tension. The scars from that time, for the most part, are healed. But scars, though they may heal physically, still leave a mark...a reminder of the pain, of the time, of the hurt. Inward scars work the same way, I suppose, although I suppose those can be easier to "re-open" if you allow them to.

This flashback immediately caused me to get angry and defensive when the situation happened approximately 5 years ago, and the characters in my life have all changed, as well as myself. While I've received healing for those scars in my life, my reaction reminds me just how much I really REALLY need God in my life. If it weren't for God, it would be oh-so-easy to fixate on my past scars and allow the wounds to fester. To see harm instead of good. Moreover it would be way easy to lash out at the tension in my current situation.

Praise God for silent tongues and refining hearts. I'll take scars any day if that means that God will continue to do a good work in me.

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