Lean not on what makes sense...part 2

**In case you haven't read the first part...go here!**

So I chose a school and program. Applied and got accepted. Started making plans to move across the country. Told everyone what God had in store for me next. Until...

five weeks ago!

About five weeks ago, I started to feel a "pause"...I keep using the word "pause" because at no point yet have I heard a clear "NO"...just more an unsettled question mark that school is where I am supposed to go. So I began praying that if this is God telling me "NO" that I would have the ears to hear.

So I began to consider...if I don't do school, is ministry next for me?

At the beginning of the year, knowing my graduation was in sight, I started looking at various ministries. I applied to a non-profit organization in Ohio, that works with girls pull from trafficking. I applied to a non-profit ministry in Maryland, that works with pregnant girls. I considered missions especially as my friends were called and left for ministry in Mexico, with pleas for me to follow. But nothing came of those ministries. Nothing happened until June.

In the meanwhile, I considered continuing school and made the decision to apply.

But in June, the trafficking ministry in Ohio emailed me to say that they had one position left to fill and my application is next...am I still interested? However, I said "no" in light of the fact that I had recently chosen to continue education. And so that door closed.

Every so often I would reflect how perfect it had sounded for my personality.

You see, I still hold to the thought that my job in Germany was perfect for me. What was it that I liked so much? The care-taking, the nurturing, the living together and speaking into "my kids" lives more than just once or twice a week, like a youth pastor. Truth be told, all I've ever wanted, my entire life, is to be a wife and mom. I've realized that I don't necessarily need to be a mom to my own kids but find joy in the idea of being a mom to any kid. And both the Ohio and Maryland jobs offer those care-taking, nurturing elements.

But as I mentioned, in June I said no to Ohio.

However, with the "pause" over continuing education, dare I hope that Ohio could actually still have an opening these couple months later? So I emailed the director...