Ode to my cell phone

Oh how I often dislike you.
Sure you can be convenient or helpful at times.
But also unnecessary, a money-guzzler, and time waster.

Oh how I wish I could drop you.
Sure people would be irritated at only being able to minimally reach me.
But due to unsafe societies for women or cars that break down, I keep you along.
Grudgingly so.

Oh to be Amish...a life of simplicity...
--No unwanted calls by random solicitors who happen to find or dial your cell phone number; no texts from the phone company telling you what great deals are available or that it is time to renew; no useless texts from people who lovingly send one-word texts that cost as much as a 20 word text, like yes, no, or thanks; and sometimes you are really lucky to received one-letter or one-number text...those are a real treat, like "k."

--No hour long phone calls, to who knows where but most likely outside of the USA phone calls, whenever we have a problem we need to fix that undoubtedly will take at least three phone calls which means at least three hours to fix when all that will need to be done is to enter some silly code and voila! it works again. And of course, the only time you can call for help is during work hours which probably isn't work-friendly per the boss or customers.

--No unused minutes because even though they roll over, you are still required to buy more minutes by a certain date which means that instead of minutes actually going down, each time you renew your unused minute count gets higher and higher which is a lot like money going down the drain if you ask me. Oh and if you don't renew your minutes by the magical date, you lose your phone number which I just did...yay me! Now I can spend all my cell phone minutes trying to remember to call everyone important to give them my new cell phone number but only once I know the new number and once my cell phone works again which will take another phone call to arrange, at least.

--No need to worry about changing cell phone laws: can I or can't I? Bluetooth or no bluetooth? First offense or second offense? Make all the rules you want for the people who drive recklessly or slowly because they need to get out of my way and shouldn't be so distracted except that I (still) have a cell phone (even though its not working) so as of now the laws still affect me (unless I can justify throwing it away).