Pain and Joy

A couple days ago, I mentioned that I want to be able to cry with those who are crying and laugh with those who are laughing.

I've always had a sensitive nature...maybe it's due to being a middle child. However, there came a day, in high school I believe, when I noticed that my sensitivity towards others had increased. How did I discover this? Humorously, it was in watching a Kodak commercial...one of those special Kodak moments...and I got teary-eyed. Then, in the days when you could still walk to the gates in airports, I'd get teary-eyed watching people say good-bye or welcoming home those they love.

God softened my heart, making me not only sensitive for the sake of being sensitive but sensitive so that I can minister to others.

Initially, I was pleased that God was developing this side of me. But with increased sensitivity to others, I began to realise that God was giving me a small glimpse into His heart. However much my heart aches, His aches abundantly more! However much my heart rejoices, His joy is abundantly more! This realization humbled me...that God would entrust me to feel/see a small glimpse of His heart.

I hugged a friend last night who has been on my heart for the last few weeks, even more so this past week. I asked if she was okay and she said that she is hanging in there but that there have been things that have surfaced this past week. She didn't elaborate and I didn't ask. Wasn't the time or place. But that brief interaction brought pain to my heart and tears to my eyes for the rest of the night. I don't know all that she is going through but God has allowed me to share her pain, to a small degree.

I still want to be able to cry or laugh with others. To share with and minister to them. But what I am realizing is that the more my heart breaks, the harder it becomes for me. I share in those emotions and can't just push them aside once I leave a person. And so, I pray and beseech God and look for His involvement.

I know most of this post is focused on pain. Sharing with others' joys is a wonderful blessing to me and something that happens often too. But despite my desire to be used by God, my self-preservation wants me to pull back because the pain can feel too much at times.

However, I am confident that if God desires me to minister to others through tears or laughters, He will continue to equip me to shoulder those pains and joys. And maybe, just maybe, God is simply trying to develop me into a person of prayer.