The Path Not Chosen

Do you ever feel like you've missed the boat?
That you've walked onto the wrong pier or got onto a wrong boat?

I've been wondering about that lately for my life. When I look at my life at a "step-by-step" basis, I still get to the same place I am today. But when I "zoom out" or even simply look at where I am today, I wonder if I should have gone left instead of right or maybe just waited at the fork a moment longer to see what might have happened.

I know it does no good to think about the "what ifs" or any should've, could've or would'ves.

But what if I had stayed in Germany another two years? Well, then I would have come home in 2008. I would have missed my one friend's final days and the chance to minister to her. I would be a year behind in my schooling, meaning I'd be done in 2011. I would have found healing and renewed joy, serving in ministry instead of floundering at home.

What if I had sought more counsel regarding my Master's degree or had just waited a bit longer before starting? Well, then maybe I would be working on an Old Testament degree instead of Intercultural Leadership. But then maybe not. I didn't realize how much I love teaching the Old Testament until I started working with the youth this school year.

What if I had sought a ministry-related position instead of going into the food industry? Well, then I might not have been able to afford school or my apartment. But I probably would have found purpose and joy in what I do compared to my current job. But then if I had, I wouldn't have the few good relationships that I have built through my job. And my job is a great opportunity for ministry...perhaps moreso than a ministry position. But then maybe I'd be further along in my missionary candidacy if I had been in some ministry position instead.

What if I have followed God all along and am exactly where He wants me to be? Then I can be confident that He has a plan for my life that is much greater than I can foresee right now and that everything that has been or has not been in my life are going to be used accordingly. And if I have missed some boat then God will use that too and will correct my steps as I continue to trust and listen to Him.

In that, I can breathe deeply and let go.