Treasures

There's a Bible verse I have thought of a couple times while being here in Mexico:

"But Mary treasured all these things and pondered them in her heart" Luke 2:19

This verse occurs after Jesus' birth and a crowd of shepherds came, almost as if drawn in by magnets, to see and worship this new baby. They also shared about the choir of angels that told them of Jesus' birth.

I have thought of this particular verse because there have been a few key moments where I have fully understood this verse. Like today. And yet, there is a part of me that fears I will forget the treasures. I have such a poor memory. Details get fuzzy and then my stories become long as I try to figure them out while talking. It can be quite humorous.

But today, this sweet boy asked me if he can call me Mama.

Even hours later, I want to weep. Weep because I'm so touched that he asked and that he wants to call me Mama and that he is offering his love to me. Weep because my heart has longed to be a Mama forever, and now there is a child who wants to call me (ME!!) that.

But I also want to weep because I know that he has recently been rejected by his own mama, and I DO NOT understand how a mama can do that. How can a mama tell her son that she doesn't want to see him ever again...that he can live at the Oasis Boy's Home until he's 18 (4 more years) and then be left to fend for himself? What happened to cause this sadness? I have no answers...all I can do is pray for healing within this family.

But in the meanwhile, I want to treasure the gift that I was blessed with today. I wanted to write down this gift so that the details don't become blurry or forgotten altogether.

him and me

“I just don’t understand,” started the conversation between myself and my friends. “I just don’t understand how he can consider you to be like his dad and mom and yet he rebels and resists and chooses to not submit.”

As soon as the words slipped out, I was reminded that this is how my relationship with God can be.

• God: my Father, whom I love, who is very important to me and has changed my life.
• Me: the child, who still wants to do my own thing, who still wants to reject and resist and not submit to the will of the Father.

Am I any different? Am I any less hard-hearted at times? Is the boy, of whom I was talking, any less able to be touched and changed as I have been? Is not this boy a reminder of my own “prone-to-wander” syndrome? A reminder of the grace and forgiveness that I have been offered? A reminder of how sweet and powerful the love of the Father can truly be, when at last my heart repents?

Just as my story is yet from being over, there is more for this boy. Just as my life has been marked by Love, so has his…only he has yet to understand that! And for that, with renewed humility, I pray.

Things not commonly known about missionaries

Missionaries love people but can struggle with loneliness, especially within the first couple years as they are learning the language and starting to develop relationships. Loneliness can be very trying.

There are days when you want to hop in your car and drive away. And just keep driving until you either reach home or the closest airport to take you home, no looking back. To return to people who will receive you with hugs in a place that is familiar. I can't count how many times I've had this thought.

Homesickness can strike at any time, over any little thing. For example, taking your car to the shop and being frustrated over not fully understood or not being able to fully understand the mechanic. Will my car actually be fixed? Will I be ripped off? Does it have to be so hard?

The first year of ministry is the hardest and often the worst.



This is all I can come up with for the time being...definitely a "Debbie-downer" post.

Cordially invited to grieve

I know that I go on and on about the Oasis Boy's home and how much I love it and how much the ministry, the leaders, and the boys (oh-the-boys!) have become engraved in my heart. It is my happy place...I love just being there. And I love how whenever I go there, the boys will ask if I am going to sleep there (since I've spent the night a few times). I love when unknown new boys become another Oasis boy I adore. I love realizing that some of the boys have undergone this seemingly overnight transformation, getting taller, leaner, and older looking. I love hearing some of these boys, who each have different "scars and battle wounds", laugh fully and carefree. But there is one thing I dislike about the Oasis Boy's Home.

Oasis is a ministry which desires to transform troubled youth, through training and teaching, so that they can be rehabilitated back to their families and contribute positively to society. And the greater goal is that their lives may be transformed through the power and work of Jesus Christ.

So the goal of Oasis is to change lives so that they can go home. Away. From Oasis. Never to return (hopefully).
Which kind of stinks.
Actually, it stinks a whole heap.
I want them to stay at Oasis forever and ever.

My heart breaks whenever a boy runs away. And my heart grieves whenever a boy has completed the program and is allowed to leave. Will I see these boys again? Likely not, unless they get in trouble again and are sent back to Oasis.

I know that the grief is merely a sign that I have loved, but still...can I not just adopt them all as mine and keep them in my life forever? *sigh*

Get movin', for pete's sake!

There are a number of Bible verses that offer encouragement, "feel-goodness," and can become like a mantra or battle cry in the midst of life's struggles. One such verse is Exodus 14:14:

 

"The Lord will fight for you while you keep silent."

A great verse and a great reminder. I have offered this verse to my friends and family when life's situations have warranted such a reminder.The context of this verse is that the Hebrews have just left Egypt and are now being pursued by Pharaoh, who wants his slaves back. But the Israelites find them blocked by an Egyptian sea, with seemingly no where to go. So Moses speaks those previous powerful words.

And yet, just the other day I read verse 15.

Then the Lord said to Moses, "Why are you crying out to Me? Tell the sons of Israel to go forward."

In other words, don't just stand there crying...get a move on it! I had to smile when I read this verse because it reminds me of my own parents. For example, if I ever had a headache or felt ill and mentioned that to my mom, the response would be "go take some medicine!" and not the coddling I was looking for! And this is what I feel God is doing to Israel, in a way.

Silence does not mean do nothing! The silence I believe that is mentioned in verse 14 has to do with being silent and quiet in your heart and thoughts because you have faith that God is present and working and greater than ANY difficulty you face. But God's command to the Israelites is to keep moving. Yes, for them that meant walking towards the sea and maybe that appeared to them as a "certain death." But if they stood around and were "silent" with inactivity, then the ONLY option would have been death or slavery. So God said to move forward...not back towards Egypt, because He wants to give us freedom from our bondage. And it was at the water's edge (I would guess that likely the Israelite's minds were full of confusion, fear, and insecurities) that God showed them the way to freedom, by parting the waters!

You see, God had freed the Hebrews from their Egyptian masters. And once again God was providing freedom and life to the Israelites. Our God is a God of freedom...just like with the Israelites, God wants to continually bring you life and a future filled with freedom from the bondages that had previously tied you down. This doesn't mean that there won't be difficulties...you too may face an "impossible" situation with your enemies pressing down on you and your back against a sea but know that God wants you to keep moving forward and HE will provide your freedom. Just trust him and wait to be amazed!