A Called Life

Long distance calling

2012-01-24T10:10:00.000-08:00

Part of my job requires that I call companies who are out of the area. I work with companies across the United States and often call Illinois, New Jersey, California, Tennessee, etc.

Because of all the many technological advances, calling those far-away states is a piece of cake and the clarity in our connections, is normal...in fact, it's expected!

And yet...

One company that I call regularly is Tree Top...who is located a mere 1.5 hours away...on the other side of the mountains. Ironically my connection with them is almost always sketchy. It's become quite comical. Most of the time, whenever I call over there, I end up calling from some distant land. My Tree Top contact has caller ID and has told me, upon receiving my call, that instead of my area code (425) coming up, it will show some other random digits. So far, I've called from Florida, California, Argentina (I think), and today, Ohio.

My call is going out and somehow being re-routed through another state/country to connect with a person who is hardly long-distance. Isn't that funny?

When she calls me, there isn't any problem so it only happens when I initiate the calling.
It's give us something to laugh about, for sure.

Where to go...

2012-01-23T16:53:00.000-08:00

It has happened. Again.
The travel bug has bitten.
It comes around periodically and unfortunately I don't ever see it until after it's bitten. Do yourself a favor, if you see the bug flying around you, swat it before it bites...save yourself the agony.

In case you're not familiar with the travel bug, the symptoms are: increased distraction and unfocused thinking, an urge to grab your passport and run to the closest airport, clouded mind with thoughts of far-off places, an unease at staying put. It maybe confused with ADD or paranoia but if you find yourself looking at travel websites, travel books, or even cooking various ethnic foods, then it's probably the travel bug.

I know your next question is undoubtedly about the cure! So in you find yourself bitten by the travel bug, there are only a few options:

You could given in, grab your passport, and head to the nearest airport, taking a spontaneous trip to some place fun or exotic or interesting.
You could ignore and suppress the urges and distractions, doing your best to focus on the life you are in, until you find the symptoms are gone.
You could plan a trip for the future, which will satisfy your need to think on travel-related things and also give you something to look forward to, without the spontaneity of the first option.
You could give yourself a mini-holiday to see if that might cure the symptoms. There is no guarantee this might work but if desperate, or if you cannot afford a "large" vacation, a mini vacation might be helpful. Whether taking a day-trip, treating yourself to some pampering, or planning a small activity with friends...give whatever idea a try and see if that helps.

As for my current illness, I'm not sure what course of action I'll take.
I already plan to visit my parents in Arizona later on this year. And I'd like to visit my friend in Mexico again (hopefully). But neither are plan-able right now.

I'm definitely interested in going somewhere (see symptoms) and there are a slew of destinations that I've yet to visit (Prague, Italy, Ireland, Israel, India, Australia, Puerto Rico, Alaska, New York, Washington DC) but then my struggle is whether to visit some new place or re-visit places where distant friends are...clouded mind. But then another side of me wants to take a missions trip...a trip with a purpose instead of just sightseeing...which is something I'm considering (and looking into) and would greatly satisfy the travel bug but also is not plan-able at the moment as nothing has been determined. And even then, where would/should I go? Blah! It's this round and round thinking that is driving me crazy (see symptoms). I think I'll cook myself some curry and try to suppress the bug for the time being.

But grabbing the passport and making a run for it, sounds exciting...
Only where to go???

Snow, Bible Study, Books

2012-01-17T09:40:00.000-08:00

It's snowing outside, which I'm watching in between blogging and working. I love snow...I love the laden down trees, blanketed by white. I love the quietness the snow instills. I love the delight that often comes with playing in the snow, taking a walk, or even marveling at the snowflake's intricacies. In fact, right now, more than anything, I'd love to bundle up and take a leisurely walk to a coffee shop, with a friend...that sounds wonderful. But I'm at work and really, I am significantly lacking in the snow-preparedness realm, despite my loving it. I was just musing yesterday that I really should buy a pair of rubber boots for tromping outside. Ah well...I'm content at the moment to just enjoy my cup of coffee, watching the snow fall, while streaming some jazz music...not a bad start to my work day!

For the first time ever, I joined the ladies' Bible Study at my church. I've participated in Bible Studies before but it was the "young ladies'" group which disbanded about 2 years ago. Then between work, my Master's degree, and volunteering as a youth leader, I haven't really had time and/or opportunity to be in a ladies' Bible Study, until now. Plus, we are doing Beth Moore's study on James! How could I turn down a chance to learn from James and Beth? I mean, really...win, win!!

I'm reading a book called Kisses from Katie, by Katie Davis. She is a 23 year old (I think) who lives in Uganda and had adopted 13 girls (I think). I'm half-way done with this book but it is breaking my heart, chapter by chapter. This is doing to my heart what the book Reckless Faith by Beth Guckenberger did: breaking my heart for the orphan and children in need and at risk. My heart is willing and my arms are empty, eager to be filled with many many kids. I am so grateful that even in this "waiting" stage, God is able to use me to bless to the orphan, through my money, prayers, and hopefully soon, my time. But this heart that God has given me wants to love, touch, speak and empower children, face to face. One day, I trust! Anyhow, about the book...actually both books...very good, worthwhile, ones you should read...so pick them both up and add them to your reading queue!

Happy Tuesday, my friends!

Central and South America

2012-01-13T10:53:00.000-08:00

You know those stories where people say that they told God, "I'll go anywhere BUT Africa...please don't send me to Africa!" And then God sends them to Africa? And everyone chuckles at God's sense of humor?

My Africa is Central and South America.
The end.

(I have nothing "humorous" to share...this is just a partially-random thought.)
:)

The ebb and flow of emotions

2012-01-12T15:16:00.000-08:00

The ebb and flow of emotions is a funny thing, isn't it?

One day or even one moment, you're completely fine and content
and the next day or moment, you're struggling with sadness, pain, grief, confusion, frustration.

I am mostly fine, content, trusting in my singleness
I am mostly able to celebrate with other's joys of marriage and babies, without hesitation
And I am so grateful for that.

However, at some point today, and I can't even define when it happened
Sadness and grief flooded my heart for the story I desire but isn't yet mine.
This too shall pass, and I'm grateful for that.

In the meanwhile, I am grateful that I can trust God
with my longings, with my emotions, with my prayers.

And one day or maybe even later today, I'll be content again.

The will of God, part 3

2012-01-06T09:57:00.000-08:00

So why am I doing this mini-series on understanding God's will? Well, to be frank, there are times when I feel that God's will eludes me. I want answers...I want a destination in view and not just fragments...I want to feel and know that I am doing what God would have me to do.

But I recognize that I'm coming at this as if I just need to find the right clue that will reveal all to me. And that's not necessarily right. Anyhow, click here if you'd like to read part 1 (book thoughts) and part 2 (blog thoughts). In the meanwhile, let's dig deeper and this time, into the very book that hold the words of God. If we want to know God and His will, then we should start (and end?) with His own words, right? And actually, it's quite easy to find some statements that speak of God's will for me:

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice--the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you in a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. --Romans 12:1-2

The Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God. --Micah 6:8

From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the LORD is to be praised. --Psalm 113:3

Wash and make yourselves clean. Take your evil deeds out of my sight; stop doing wrong. Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow. --Isaiah 1:16-17

Understanding what the Lord's will is...be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. --Ephesians 5:17-20

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and love your neighbor as yourself. --Luke 10:27

There so much more that I could add to this list and I'm sure you may have some Scripture that has come to your mind. Feel free to share such Scripture.

Oh, how could I forget this verse:

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. --Matthew 28:19-20

That another important one to remember and live by.

So where do these verses leave us?

Let God transform (I love that word!) your heart and mind, by giving up your own will.
Do what is right: fighting for justice, protecting and caring for the vulnerable.
Make disciples: help others become more like Christ.
And don't forget to love, praise the Lord, and be thankful!

Understanding God's will is much simpler when having a small list to focus on. Instead of feeling like I'm floundering or waiting, this list provides some elements that I can and should pursue. Right now! It doesn't matter where I am, whether here in Washington state or somewhere around the world, this list doesn't change...it remains constant and applicable. Always!

Thoughts? Scripture to share?

The will of God, part 2

2012-01-04T09:35:00.000-08:00

I'm doing a mini-series talking through the idea of God's will. Here's part one where I shared a bit from Erwin McManus' book, Chasing Daylight. I'm sure there's other good books out there and perhaps I'll do a little research later on today.

In the meanwhile, I thought I'd continue this discussion of the role of God's will through sharing a couple of worthwhile blogs that have spoken on this topic.

One post that I read early last year was written by very Much Later, who discusses discerning God's will; a post that I think about often now. Here's the part I want to share:

He looked at me as though I had stuck another nerve. “What if God doesn’t want me to do it? I don’t want to screw my future up.”

“You think pretty highly of yourself, don’t you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you really think you can screw your life up while trying to serve God?”...

...Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for God has already approved what you do. Always be clothed in white, and always anoint your head with oil. Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days. -Ecclesiastes 9:7-9

The word ‘approved’ in verse 7 is Ratsah in Hebrew. It means to be pleased or satisfied with, determined or favorable toward something. I don’t want to say that we can do no wrong, but I think it might be more difficult than we think when we’re in love with Jesus. If you’re trying to make a big decision, stop torturing yourself by superimposing your emotions or another person’s attitude over God’s will. As long as you don’t want something terrible and you’re not breaking the law, you’re probably alright.

How can I mess up if I have been called by God, which I say I have, and I have been equipped, by God, to serve in many ways? Instead of waiting for a divine neon sign to appear, can't I just step out in faith, trusting that God will make it clear if I need to stop or change directions? And EVEN IF I mess up and pursue a course that completely flops, is God not still sovereign and fully capable of using the mess for His glory? Heck yeah, He is!

Here's another blog (Jason Vana) that also has something to add:

For the longest time, I had this idea that God has a specific, detailed plan for my life: where I should go to school, what I should major in, where I should live, the line of work I should do, who I should marry, when I should have kids, when I should change jobs or careers, if I should pursue my master’s, if I should lead a missions trip, even down to how I should spend my day.

And if I made the wrong decision, if I made to move before God wanted me to, if I chose the wrong major, the wrong job, the wrong place to live…

…I would never get where God wanted me to be.

Abraham lived to be 75 years old before God called him to move to a country he didn’t know. Moses worked for his father-in-law for 40 years before he had his burning bush moment. David tended sheep for years before and after he received the call to be king. Even Jesus lived a pretty normal Jewish life for 30 years before being released into His calling.

These men made decisions about their lives, their careers, where they would live, who they would marry, when they would have kids, what they would study, what they would do with their lives, some were even ready to go into retirement, before they ever knew God’s will for their lives.

And God still used them – mistakes and all.

So maybe God’s will isn’t some path we have to have figured out.
Maybe it’s not something we get early on in life and follow through until we die.
Maybe it’s more than just blindly following a plan that someone else sets for us.

Okay...so what have we learned?

Since I had better just speak for myself, I think I'm learning that the idea of messing up God's will may be something that is a bit hard to do (or even possibly a fallacy), when you are serving Christ and genuinely striving to know and reflect Him. Please don't read that as solid theology...I'm still working on this after all. As we were reminded yesterday, I shouldn't let fear keep me from moving forward and from pursuing Godly things...to do so is a sin and can rob me (and others) of the opportunity to being where God has already called me. Lastly, Jason reminds us that God's timing may not be as we'd imagine but the wait shouldn't stop us from moving forward...God still desires to use us and maybe in the process of taking faithful steps, He will unveil a much greater calling or purpose.

Your turn...what's on your mind? Anything to add?

Tomorrow, I'll go the Bible...see what God says is His will, in His own words.

The will of God, part 1

2012-01-03T10:26:00.000-08:00

Understanding "the call of God" on my life is a journey that I've been on since high school, really. I've heard many times that God called someone to something or to seek the will of God and He will answer. I've even used that verbiage before...for example, "God called me into ministry" or "I'm seeking God's will on this." And yet despite using that terminology, I struggle with this theology of "the call of God."

Where is the line between being "bold and courageous" and "wise and discerning"? And when or how does the "call/will of God" play a part of the going or staying process of making decisions? That is what I am ultimately trying to figure out. This is what I am going to talk through in a mini-series of posts. Today I'm going to share a couple thoughts that surfaced in reading Chasing Daylight by Erwin McManus...a good read!

Consider the people of Israel. They were called by God out of bondage to a land full of hope and a future. They were given an inheritance and told to go claim it, leaving behind the years of chains that had trapped them. And yet, besides Caleb and Joshua, they resisted in fear, which kept them walking in circles for 40 years, after they received their initial calling. "The Lord challenged His people to act on the promises He has made to them....Joshua and Caleb concluded that there could not possibly be enough giants to stop God from fulfilling His promise to them" (McManus, p. 157). The land was already theirs for the taking and yet fear kept a whole generation from seeing the fulfillment of that calling.

Consider Jonathan and this crazy story in I Samuel 14. The men of Israel were at war with the Philistines. King Saul, who just happens to be Jonathan's father, is too timid or fearful to boldly fight for the land that was theirs but in the middle of night, or during siesta time, Jonathan instructs his armor-bearer to join him in attacking the enemy saying, "perhaps the Lord will act on our behalf" (vs 6). Perhaps?? I think if I were the armor-bearer I'd tell Jonathan to wake me when he knew for certain. But instead, the armor-bearer basically says, "sounds good, let's see what happens" even though the only weapon they had was one sword that was in Jonathan's hands. There wasn't a clear directive from God to go provoke the Philistines. Jonathan didn't even have a guarantee of success or a certainty that God had ordained this mission. For all he knew, he could be walking towards his death. But he also knew that God was stronger and greater than any amount of soldiers and no matter if there was two men or two hundred, the enemy could still be overtaken. And that's what happened! Jonathan's mentality was to advance until God stopped him. "Jonathan understood that when you're moving with God, you must move with an advance mentality. You move forward unless God tells you to stop. You advance unless God tells you to wait. There are certain things that you do not need permission to do. You've already been commissioned to do them. There are certain things that you do not need a calling to do. You've already been commanded to do them....[Jonathan] wasn't sitting around waiting for a sign. He moved forward in everything he knew to do. Confirmation came in the midst of action" (McManus, p. 159).

So we have one story with a call/command and another story without. That's helpful, isn't it?
Tomorrow, I'll be sharing a couple blogs snippets that have spoken on this idea of "God's will." I'd love to hear any of your thoughts along the way.

A breath, a pause, and a prayer

2012-01-01T23:48:00.000-08:00

A step at a time.
Life keeps moving.
A breath, a pause, and a prayer.

It's always a bit disconcerting to feel a lack of control on life.
Moving has done that to me.
Well, really, the last month's events have done that to me.
First I'm looking towards Maryland.
Then I'm not.
And since that moment, nothing is before me except to keep on keepin' on.
But then I have to find a new place, which I did.
And last week I moved, cleaned up the old place, and handed in the keys.
But I've gone from a whole apartment's worth of stuff to just one bedroom.
And now my car holds the excess for which there is no room.
Even after getting rid of half my stuff.
And besides breakfasts, I haven't eaten at home because I'm too disorganized.

The holiday has been great.
Outside of the packing and moving bit.
Full of good times and lovely company.
Tourist excursions, fun movies and good food.
But work starts again on Tuesday and I'm not quite ready.
Not yet home in my new home.

Plus my heart aches and prays for my sister.
Whose new living situation has been rough thus far.
Is it going to work out or not?
What will she do?
And trying to not worry, I pray instead.
And pray some more.

Things will clear up and get worked out.
God is still here.
His mercies endure forever.

Prayer Board

2011-12-27T10:42:00.000-08:00

A favorite time-waster among (mostly) females is Pinterest...a website to "pin" various pictures and links onto theme-related "boards"...like a board of all home design, favorite books, food items to cook, fashion, etc...

Anyhow, last week, I found myself thinking about several people, life events, and other areas of concern in my life and realized that what I would love is a prayer board.

A board that I can hang in my bedroom, on which I can add pictures, emails, words, logos, Scripture, or anything else that would help me remember to pray for those things that weigh on my heart; those special topics that I want to intercede for.

So I went to Michael's craft store and bought a 11x14 cork board, some scrapbooking letter stickers and some pushpins. Then I went home, took a frame that I love, popped out the glass and backing and popped in the cork board. Perfect fit.

As soon as I started dreaming about this prayer board, I wanted to have a little phrase or verse on it to summarize the wish and focus of my prayers...so I choose the lyric "Have Thine own way, Lord."

Slowly, I'm collecting those pieces that will cue my prayers. And am delighting in this little project. I'm excited to see how God will answer these prayers while also working in my own heart.

Kids explaining the Christmas story

2011-12-22T13:54:00.000-08:00

You really should watch this...it contains all kinds of hilarity and cuteness!
Merry Christmas!

My books...well, most of them...

2011-12-20T08:00:00.000-08:00

Needed: Strong people to move these boxes.

Anyone? Bueller?

Not much time left

2011-12-19T15:50:00.000-08:00

This week finds me busy.
Okay, who isn't busy this week, right??
I don't know about you but I am officially in list mode.
Making a list, checking it twice.

I'm moving places and while I knew that packing was going to envelop my Christmas season, I did not anticipate to be moving just down the street. I haven't told you all yet, have I? I'm not moving cross-country. Nothing is changing in my life, at this time...a statement I'm learning to accept, as I continually focus on trusting God.

Anyhow, despite not leaving the area, I still have to move because my sister and I let up our apartment (in anticipation of me moving cross-country) and she signed a lease with a friend, at another apartment complex. As for me, I am going to be renting a bedroom from a lady who goes to my church. It will be a completely different living arrangement than what I've had, thus far, but I think it will be good.

So each day, I find myself analyzing my nights, trying to figure out what to pack next, as well as mulling over my needed Christmas shopping (groceries and presents), Christmas baking that I still want to do, and the handful of activities (skype calls, church services, work schedules, coffee dates) that are scattered through the the next week.

Speaking of which, I just took a half hour break to write down the groceries that were flooding my mind. Whew! In Bible college, I took a homiletics (sermon-making) class, which I enjoyed. One of our assignments that lasted the entire semester was keep a WIDOLIF journal...a journal of quotes, analogies, thoughts, or anything that may be useful for a sermon one day. WIDOLIF means "write it down or lose it forever"...cute, isn't it? Anyhow, that's kind of where I am.

My mom called me Friday night, I think, and asked about the plans for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, for myself, my younger sister, and brother. (My older sister is flying to Arizona to have Christmas with the parents.) I told her that honestly, I haven't thought that far. I know what we are more-or-less having for Christmas dinner. I know there's church both days. I know that I'll be pretty much alone Christmas Eve night. But as for a Christmas Day schedule...an agreed plan between us remaining three...we haven't really talked about it. I suppose we should get on that. :) I've coerced my brother into helping me move some stuff tomorrow night...he and I can chat then.

Okay...this is getting a bit random, I think, so I'd better call it a day.
Happy planning to you all! Trusting that everything will get done, for you and for me, in its time!

A Forever Moment: the Nativity

2011-12-16T14:38:00.000-08:00

There's a set of commercials being aired on the radio and TV, from Ben Bridge Jewelers, that feature the tagline: Turn a special moment into a forever moment. In the TV commercials you see someone being given a piece of jewelry and the moment they open it, time temporarily freezes in joy and delight. A pretty clever piece of advertisement, I think.

Anyhow, I was reflecting on the birth of Jesus Christ yesterday, on my drive home, and realised that His very birth turned a special moment, because what birth isn't special, into a forever moment, the intersection of time and eternity, starting in a lowly stable and culminating at the cross, for the salvation of mankind.

Picture the scene with me...

The roman soldiers arrive to Nazareth, declaring that everyone must, by order of Caesar, return to their family's land, to be counted (and very likely taxed). Immediately the people of Nazareth are in an uproar, including Joseph. Joseph had an established business, a home, a Betrothed, friends, and a community of God-worshippers. He had everything he wanted, at home, in Nazareth, and now some distant money-hungry Caesar is forcing him to leave it all behind to go to Bethlehem. Except Mary, that is. She'd go with him but the baby!! The baby was due at any time. However Mary was adamant that she would go with him. So they leave.

They make the journey to a town 80 miles away, walking with many many other people who leave or join the group at different points. There's a constant noise of grumbling upset Israelites, wondering at how much this Caesar will end up taxing them, and frustrated with the unexpected journey. There's the constant sound of animals and the chatter of kids. Normally, to have such company would be a welcome to Joseph but his concern, his only concern, is the welfare of his cherished yet uncomfortable, swollen, pregnant wife. Because of her, he walks much slower and with greater care, than he would on any trip to worship in Jerusalem. He's always looking forward for the easier path and looking back to watch his wife, and the crowds pass them by.

They walk through Jerusalem, a noisy, bustling city but don't stop. They need to get to Bethlehem. Mary tries to hide her pain but Joseph sees that her discomfort is getting worse. The baby will arrive soon. Too soon! A day later, they arrive in what is normally a sleepy little hamlet to find that it too is bursting at the seams. People are everywhere. Today was the day. Mary told him that the babe is coming and has begun to moan. Joseph can't walk without having people bump into him at every side. Grabbing tightly on the donkey's bridle, he plunges into the crowd to find a place to stay. He stops at the first place...No Room! Everyone seems to be equally urgently trying to find a place. Next place...No Room! Mary gasps out in pain. Panicked, Joseph goes the next inn...No Room! Please, he shouts, my wife! But the door has been shut. He walks to the next inn, all while praying that Yahweh would provide once again for Mary and the babe...they don't need a fancy place, just somewhere beside the busy noisy street! His plan is to take Mary to a field, outside the gates, if this next place is also too full. He knocks...No Room! Wait, please, my wife is going to have a baby. Have mercy...anything will do, he pleads! The tired, very busy innkeeper pauses then says the only thing he can offer is his stable. They're welcomed to use it, if they'd like.

Joseph leads his donkey over to the stable, scoops up Mary and lays her on the hay. Just as the little town and the inn were filled to the max, so too was the stable. The people of Bethlehem was a constant noise in the background. But the stable had its own cacophony of sound: mooing, braying, baaing, (no oinking because this was a good Jewish inn), and clucking. While the stalls all contained a few animals each, there were still some that walked around Joseph and Mary, and had to be shooed away. Mary intently focused on her breathing and pain. Joseph wanted to help but not sure how after all, surely Yahweh knew that men simply don't help in any way with the birth of children. But Yahweh knew was He was doing and Joseph continued to trust.

And in the midst of town noise, the stable noise, Mary's pain, and Joseph's week-long stress, I can't help but imagine that, like those Ben Bridge commercials, time must have seemed to freeze the moment the baby boy emerged. The animals quieted, Joseph's stress disappeared, Mary felt relief and peace, the town stilled the moment the Almighty Infinite God became a weak, time-restricted human. The kind of moment that takes your breath away and leaves you with goosebumps.

Because after that moment, the Heavenly Choir burst out in song, the stars twinkled their very brightest, and the visitors started to appear to celebrate the long-awaited birth date of a Babe, who came to take away the sin of the world.

A holy night, indeed.

Sunday morning memories

2011-12-16T08:50:00.000-08:00

For many many years, certainly most of my teenage years and maybe even in early college years, my family had an 8-track player. Ahhhh, the days of the 8 track player.

Today, on my way to work, I had a flashback to those Sunday mornings when my dad, in an attempt to get us kids up and moving for church, would pop in an 8-track tape of Marching Band music. And then he'd turn up the volume and open our bedroom doors.

Before we knew what hit us, the upbeat marching music, full of drums and horns and cymbals, would fill our ears and we could not escape the sound, even if we tried to bury our heads in our pillow or blankets. We'd finally roll out of bed, grumbling at our loud intrusive dad, but before we knew it, our feet and hands would be moving faster and faster, until the beat of the drums was conducting our movements. And by the time it was time to go to church, there was usually a good attitude and smile on our faces.

My dad knew what he was doing.
He's kind of smart like that!

Goodnight bird, goodnight clock

2011-12-15T15:48:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a sad day.

I packed up my German cuckoo clock, tucking it safely away in my large 45 gallon tote.

I don't anticipate bringing him back out while at my next residence.
So for an indefinite amount of time, I say auf wiedersehen.

A musical treat!

2011-12-13T10:49:00.000-08:00

A beautiful rendition of the Wexford Carol by Allison Krauss and Yo Yo Ma.

Good people all, this Christmas time,

Consider well and bear in mind

What our good God for us has done

In sending his beloved son

With Mary holy we should pray,

To God with love this Christmas Day

In Bethlehem upon that morn,

There was a blessed Messiah born

The night before that happy tide

The noble Virgin and her guide

Were long time seeking up and down

To find a lodging in the town

But mark right well what came to pass

From every door repelled, alas

As was foretold, their refuge all

Was but a humble ox’s stall

Near Bethlehem did shepherds keep

Their flocks of lambs and feeding sheep

To whom God’s angel did appear

Which put the shepherds in great fear

Arise and go, the angels said

To Bethlehem, be not afraid

For there you’ll find, this happy morn

A princely babe, sweet Jesus, born

With thankful heart and joyful mind

The shepherds went the babe to find

And as God’s angel had foretold

They did our Saviour Christ behold

Within a manger he was laid

And by his side a virgin maid

Attending on the Lord of Life

Who came on earth to end all strife

There were three wise men from afar

Directed by a glorious star

And on they wandered night and day

Until they came where Jesus lay

And when they came unto that place

Where our beloved Messiah lay

They humbly cast them at his feet

With gifts of gold and incense sweet.

Anna Grace

2011-12-09T11:21:00.001-08:00

When my parents were pregnant with me, child #2, the girl name that my mom wanted was Anna Grace, my great-grandmother's name. However, my dad vetoed that name and I was named after some random waitress whose name my dad liked and suggested to my mom. Great story, huh?

Anyways, when my parents were expecting child #4, my dad conceded. The girl could be given the long-awaited name of Anna Grace. However, my parents were instead given a long-awaited son, who received another family name.

Anyhow, one book I read this year was One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp and from reading that book, a recent thought came into my head, which spurred me to go online. So earlier this week, I looked up the name Anna and discovered, like I had guessed, that it means Gracious.

That child would have had a redundant name.
This amuses me.
That's all for today, folks!
:)

Coffee chuckle

2011-12-08T09:05:00.001-08:00

I am a person of coffee rituals. I get very specific drinks from different locations. Occasionally I vary...but not often.

So, when I go to Starbucks, I get a Tall Extra-Hot Skinny Vanilla Latte and like any good Washingtonian, I rattle that off without hesitation or much thought, which I did yesterday when I stopped there.

When I pulled up to the drive-through window, the girl asked..."you ordered the grande skinny vanilla right?" Nope, I assured her, I ordered a tall.

After I paid, she informed me that I was being given a grande but only charged for a tall, for which I thanked her. But I had to stiffle a chuckle when she then gave me permission to not finish my latte, if I didn't want to.

Umm...gee, thanks.

Weekend snippets

2011-12-04T20:24:00.001-08:00

I asked my sister if she was saving up for a pillow.

Coffee with baileys...ending the weekend.

My mom makes these candies every Christmas. She mailed us some this year. I think my mom mailed me some when I spent a Christmas in Germany. I have a kind momma.

And these are soooo good!

We call them bon-bons...they contain coconut, pecans, and sugar, dipped in chocolate.

I made them in Germany with my kiddos. I'll share that story soon.

My cave of Adullam

2011-12-03T14:30:00.001-08:00

Speak to me, speak to me in my cave of Adullam.

Reach to me, reach to me, no one cares for my soul.

I thought I saw your kingdom,

but it's not going to happen like I thought it would happen.

This song, by Sara Groves (one of my favorite artists), is inspired from the life and story of David, shepherd boy, giant slayer, King of Israel and ancestor of Jesus Messiah. At a young age, this simple shepherd boy was selected out by God and the prophet Samuel, to be anointed as King of Israel.

A brief interaction between God and man, placing a calling on the boy's head and life. And yet, he then spends the next decade or so waiting for this calling to be fulfilled. During that time, he spends most of his time running. Fleeing and hiding from the one who could have been a mentor but was instead a jealous enraged king; a king who wanted to kill.

Remind me, remind me of the vision you gave me.

Remind me, remind me what anointing oil is for.

I need to know you're near me.

I need to know you are holding me just as closely...

The cave of Adullam was one of David's hiding places. He and his men hid in this seemingly great cave, hiding from the King and his pursuant army. Here he was, away from home and his family, with a death warrant hanging over his head, wondering how, if and when he would finally see the fulfillment of that long ago anointing.

I wonder if he questioned whether or not he understood the call clearly. I wonder if he was ready to abandon the call, just to have his simple shepherding life back. I wonder if his faith wavered as this dream seemed always just out of reach. After all, he was the one hiding in a cave.

...as the day you took my life and gave me a vision,

As the day you poured the oil and gave me a dream.

I can't believe this is happening.

How does a shepherd become a king?

What we do know is that David saw the fulfillment of God's promise. He witnessed God's faithfulness during the years of frustration and longing; the years when the call must have seemed like only a mirage in the desert sun. He endured, continued to cling to God, and repeatedly spoke of God's goodness.

He ran the race, despite the cost, and finished well. A man after God's own heart.
To this day, his achievements, life, and calling, has given enduring glory to God.
And after all, shouldn't that be the goal?

For the vision is yet for the appointed time;

It hastens toward the goal and it will not fail.

Though it tarries, wait for it;

For it will certainly come, it will not delay

Habakkuk 2:3

Highlights from the last four days

2011-11-28T09:10:00.001-08:00

I had the last four days off, in light of our Thanksgiving holiday this past Thursday. It was a lovely time off. Here are just a few of my highlights:

Lazy Thursday morning
Enjoyable fellowship and yummy food over Thanksgiving Dinner with siblings
2 hour skype phone call with parents
Going to the theaters to see the newest Twilight movie and the Muppet's movie.
Finding another espresso stand that can make me a maple latte
Adding to my Nativity collection with one of Peanuts figurines
Decorating the Christmas tree and our apartment
Making cinnamon scones
Seeing the Rodger and Hammerstein's Cinderella, in Seattle, with my sisters
Teaching Sunday school this week

I love that the holiday season is now in full motion!
Now, if only we'd have snow within the next month...

On a different yet somewhat related note, every holiday time I feel more keenly aware of my singleness. Between movies of Christmas love and miracles to songs to even family time, I find myself year after year grieving that there's no special someone to share the holidays with. Don't get me wrong...I love (and am so thankful for) my family and the friends in my life but each Christmas, for the last 4 or 5 years, I find myself praying that maybe next Christmas I'll get to spend it with my Beloved's family. But Christmas is the time for joy and love, and of course, hope. So each holiday season, I "fight" these "single-awareness" feelings, trying to focus instead on the miracle that God provided us and the opportunity to share that joy and hope with others. And even though the grief/longing is never too far removed, I always end up having a good holiday season...which I'm thankful for. Anyhow, that's all...I just wanted to share this.

The Cheaper Chicken

2011-11-23T08:30:00.000-08:00

There's a scene in Father of the Bride, where George Banks is feeling the increasing burden of the cost of his daughter's upcoming wedding. The house has to be remodeled, furniture moved, swans brought in, then there's all the decorations and the foods to also pay for. And George snaps. (If you haven't seen this movie or if you'd like a little laughter, feel free to watch this youtube clip.) He turns to Franc, the wedding planner and tells him that (instead of veal or seafood) he wants "the cheaper chicken."

Umm...
This Thanksgiving, my siblings are going to go with the cheaper chicken.

My cheaper chicken

Since the parental unit has moved down south, it's just us siblings throwing together a Thanksgiving dinner. And let me tell you, those turkeys are expensive! So, we are settling for the turkey's relative instead.

Really, under the gravy, who will know?

Yay! I saved money!

On my potential move east

2011-11-22T15:56:00.001-08:00

Boss: Is there anything we can do to keep you here longer?
Me: (long pause).....not really....
Boss: Well, I am praying over this. The Lord sure has answered a lot of my prayers lately.
Me: ummm.....okay.....

Last's weeks conversation keeps rolling around in my head. I'm not entirely sure what to make of that comment. But I'm not worrying about it.

I have my third interview tomorrow (Wednesday) at:
11am, Pacific Standard Time
2pm, Eastern Standard Time
8pm, Western Europe Time
5am Thursday morning for my Aussie friends?

I am still interested in this ministry (a holistic housing ministry for pregnant women) and believe that it would be a good yet challenging experience. However, if God wants to change my plans again (and subsequently answer my boss's prayers), then God's will be done.

Either way some change is a'comin.

**update...the phone interview went fine. There were three of their people on this phone call. I felt there was "connection" with two of the three...so we'll see. No job offer yet. Patience is a virture, they say.

To the Holy One of Israel

2011-11-18T16:00:00.000-08:00

You have a strong arm;

Your hand is mighty, Your right hand is exalted.

Righteousness and justice are the foundation of Your throne;

Lovingkindness and truth go before You.

How blessed are the people who know the joyful sound!

O LORD, they walk in the light of Your countenance.

In Your name they rejoice all the day,

And by Your righteousness they are exalted.

For You are the glory of their strength,

And by Your favor our horn is exalted.

For our shield belongs to the LORD,

And our king to the Holy One of Israel.

Psalm 89:13-18

**This self-assigned task of finding various verses that give glory to God, instead of focusing on myself, has been a good project. Almost immediately on Monday and then again on Tuesday, I found my soul being lifted in praise and worship as I searched for these verses and reflected on them. God is so good! Hope you've been blessed in the process as well!

Extending to the heavens

2011-11-18T12:00:00.000-08:00

Your lovingkindness, O LORD, extends to the heavens,

Your faithfulness reaches to the skies.

Your righteousness is like the mountains of God;

Your judgments are like a great deep.

O LORD, You preserve man and beast.

Psalm 36:5-6

For I proclaim the name of the LORD

2011-11-18T08:50:00.001-08:00

For I proclaim the name of the LORD;

Ascribe greatness to our God!

"The Rock! His work is perfect,

For all His ways are just;

A God of faithfulness and without injustice,

Righteous and upright is He."

Deuteronomy 32:3-4

But I have trusted in Your lovingkindness

2011-11-17T16:00:00.000-08:00

But I have trusted in Your lovingkindness;

My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.

I will sing to the LORD,

Because He has dealt bountifully with me.

Psalm 13:5-6

The LORD is my strength and song

2011-11-17T12:00:00.000-08:00

The LORD is my strength and song,

And He has become my salvation;

This is my God, and I will praise Him;

My father’s God, and I will extol Him.

Who is like You among the gods, O LORD?

Who is like You, majestic in holiness,

Awesome in praises, working wonders?

Exodus 15:2, 11

Blessed be the name

2011-11-17T09:15:00.001-08:00

Blessed be the name of the LORD

From this time forth and forever.

From the rising of the sun to its setting

The name of the LORD is to be praised.

The LORD is high above all nations;

His glory is above the heavens.

Psalm 113:2-4

Praise the Lord

2011-11-16T16:30:00.000-08:00

Praise the LORD, all nations;
Laud Him, all peoples!

For His lovingkindness is great toward us,
And the truth of the LORD is everlasting.
Praise the LORD!

Psalm 117

The lovingkindness of the LORD

2011-11-16T12:00:00.000-08:00

I shall make mention of the lovingkindnesses of the LORD, the praises of the LORD,

According to all that the LORD has granted us,

And the great goodness toward the house of Israel,

Which He has granted them according to His compassion

And according to the abundance of His lovingkindnesses.

Isaiah 63:7

I will give You thanks

2011-11-16T08:29:00.001-08:00

I will give You thanks with all my heart;
I will sing praises to You before the gods.

I will bow down toward Your holy temple
And give thanks to Your name for Your lovingkindness and Your truth;
For You have magnified Your word according to all Your name.

On the day I called, You answered me;
You made me bold with strength in my soul.

Psalm 138:1-3

Give thanks to the Lord

2011-11-15T16:00:00.000-08:00

And in that day you will say,

"Give thanks to the LORD, call on His name.

Make known His deeds among the peoples;

Make them remember that His name is exalted.”

Praise the LORD in song, for He has done excellent things;

Let this be known throughout the earth.

Isaiah 12:4-5

O God, You are my God

2011-11-15T12:00:00.000-08:00

O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly;

My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You,

In a dry and weary land where there is no water.

Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary,

To see Your power and Your glory.

Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,

My lips will praise You.

So I will bless You as long as I live;

I will lift up my hands in Your name.

My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness,

And my mouth offers praises with joyful lips.

Psalm 63:1-5

He brought me up

2011-11-15T08:20:00.001-08:00

He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay,

And He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm.

He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God;

Many will see and fear

And will trust in the LORD.

How blessed is the man who has made the LORD his trust,

And has not turned to the proud, nor to those who lapse into falsehood.

Psalm 40: 2-4

Indeed, the LORD will comfort

2011-11-14T19:00:00.000-08:00

Indeed, the LORD will comfort Zion;

He will comfort all her waste places.

And her wilderness He will make like Eden,

And her desert like the garden of the LORD;

Joy and gladness will be found in her,

Thanksgiving and sound of a melody.

Isaiah 51:2

O come, let us sing for joy

2011-11-14T16:30:00.000-08:00

O come, let us sing for joy to the LORD,

Let us shout joyfully to the rock of our salvation.

Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving,

Let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms.

For the LORD is a great God

And a great King above all gods

Psalms 95:1-3

My heart exults in the Lord

2011-11-14T12:00:00.000-08:00

My heart exults in the LORD;

My horn is exalted in the LORD,

My mouth speaks boldly against my enemies,

Because I rejoice in Your salvation.

There is no one holy like the LORD,

Indeed, there is no one besides You,

Nor is there any rock like our God.

I Samuel 2:1-2

A week of praise and thanksgiving

2011-11-14T08:45:00.001-08:00

**This past week I found myself increasingly agitated and annoyed at people. By Friday, I was rejoicing that I had a weekend to refresh myself and "become" normal again. However that didn't happen. I continued to find myself snappy with the people around me. Both Saturday and Sunday, I had a mini time-out which was able to calm my attitude, which was good. However, I'm back at work. And within the first 15 minutes of being here, I felt those agitated snappy feeling resurfacing. Not what I want. At all! So this week I'm going to post different verses on praising God and on thankfulness. Verses that will direct my mind towards God, His goodness, and His provisions and take my focus a bit more off myself. I trust that by Friday, God will have been glorified many many times and that I'll be a more pleasant person in the process. Throughout the week, feel free to share a verse or two that is an encouragement to you!

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;

You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness,

That my soul may sing praise to You and not be silent.

O LORD my God, I will give thanks to You forever.

Psalm 30:11-12

Oh. What. A. Day.

2011-11-10T13:07:00.001-08:00

Thus far, this is the kind of day where...

I wish I had a spouse waiting for me at home where I can unload, talking about thing after thing and having him ask attentive, sympathetic, and wise questions.
I wish I had a spouse waiting for me at home who could just hold me if all I want to do is remain quiet and not verbally unload after a day of putting out "fires," which is probably more likely.
I wish we could implement Daylight Savings Time so that we can move the clock forward an hour...then I'd only have 2.5 hours left of work.
I (partly) wish I could stop a bar on the way home and have a drink or two. I know...not necessarily a good habit (emotional drinking??) to start.
I feel justified eating a very unhealthy piece of pie...I know, emotional eating is never a good thing.
I wish I was one of those runner types that would pound out all the highs and lows of today. However if I tried that now, I don't think there would be any thought beyond trying to remember to breathe.
I find myself daydreaming of warm tropical locations, far far away, when I should be diligently putting out more "fires."
the bathroom almost seems like a place of refuge while at work.

Oh man.
The day hasn't been horrible...just a modge podge of good, bad, and ugly. The warm-ish (60 degrees) sunny day outside, complete with blue skies, varies from taunting me to encouraging me...depending on what is going on at my desk. :)

On the plus side, it is now 1:30pm and work is over half way done for the day!
And that pie was very yummy!

**Update: The crazy day ended with laughter. I went to Old Navy to return two shirts, that I had purchased Wednesday, which would give me back $18. As I walked into the store and realized that a couple fixtures had been changed from the day before. So I wondered if maybe some new things were on sale. (I used to work at Old Navy and knew they had a 7 day price adjustment...all you needed was to bring in a receipt.) One cardigan I had purchased the day before was a bit more expensive than I had anticipated. So I walked to where they were located and sure enough it was on sale! From $34 down to $20.50. Sah-weet!!! So I walked up the register, told the girl that I wanted to return the two shirts and that the one cardigan was now cheaper and could I get a price adjustment. SOOO, she scanned in my receipt and hello! another sweater I had purchased was also on sale!!! So instead of just getting $18 back, I ended up getting $46 back! I walked out laughing at how that all went down! A great way to start my evening!

Thinking through Isaiah 30:15

2011-11-08T09:50:00.000-08:00

For thus the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, has said:
In repentance and rest you will be saved,

I once was told, by a person who had been a lifesaver at one point, that the most dangerous person to save was a person who was fighting and kicking, instead of being still. Their flailing put both the lifesaver and the person at risk of not being able to make it to safety. A struggling person doesn't allow for assistance; they are simply continuing to fight, powered by their own fears and need for control.
Repentance in its genuine form involves a person completely and humbly releasing themselves and their bondage, into the changing power of God. That bondage can be anything from sinful choices, family baggage, harmful thoughts and such...things that we either choose to partake of willingly or because of addictions, no matter how big or small those might be. Like cords tied around our feet, they may give the illusion that we are free but really we remain unable to move in freedom. And then the moment it is all given to God, the moment we choose God over our own desires, those cords fall off...their power is gone and we have the freedom to walk with God; to be the person that we were created to be.

In quietness and trust is your strength.

The person who places their trust in God is like a man who builds his house on rocks. When the storm came, his house endured the storm because the foundation was grounded on something firm.
Trust is a confidence in who God is, what He is doing and capable of, and with how He is at work in me. It's an unmoveable, unshakable assurance that regardless of what may happen, God is still in control. This trust allows for a quiet peace to calm your mind (your prone to worry) and your body.

But you were not willing.

This is where forgiveness is readily available. Quietness, rest, salvation, strength...all free gifts, always available. May God keep my heart from being hardened. May I have the ears to hear, the eyes to see, and the heart to trust, willingly and faithfully. Amen.

Random thoughts

2011-11-03T11:29:00.000-07:00

--I slept in today accidentally. I failed to turn on my alarm clock last night and when I opened my eyes this morning, my first thought was that my room was too bright for 6:15am. Sure enough, it was 8:30am...already 30 minutes late to work. Needless to say I got ready really fast and assured my boss that I was coming! It's amazing how clear the roads are around 8:45-9:00am.

--I love streaming music at my work computer...something to break the silence. Right now on my player are three CDs: India.Arie's Voyage to India, The Civil Wars' Barton Hallow, and Cyndi Lauper's At Last...a wonderful collection of (mostly) calming soulful folksy and jazz songs.

--I purchased 20 lbs of Gala apples and will be picking them up tomorrow. There is a farm in central Washington that grows various crops and each Friday/Saturday, they drive out to various stops on the west coast to sell their products. Pretty genius of them, I think. Anyhow, tomorrow I get my Galas, for which I intend to make and can applesauce, which I'll be doing on Saturday. So excited!

--And then Sunday...will be joyous! I am making a trip up to Vancouver, British Columbia (about 2-2.5 hours north of me) to spend the day with some friends from Germany! A day won't be long enough but their schedule is packed full for the rest of the year and I don't anticipate being here come next year so this one day is what was available! I'll join them for church and then camp out at their home for the afternoon/early evening. (Side note: I don't know how many of you have had this experience but you know when you visit someone in their home and it's just perfect and homey and wonderful. And then they move to another place and you visit that home and find it to be the same perfectness, even though the lay-out of their home is quite different...it's like everything they owned fit perfectly into two different homes. It's both amazing and comforting...like while lots has changed, some things are still the same. You know what I mean?? Anyhow, such is the case with the couple/family. Love that!)

--Last random note, I'm starting to think about Thanksgiving (Nov 24, for my non-USA readers). My parents are in Arizona, leaving us four siblings to celebrate Thanksgiving together in some way. This is by no means my first Thanksgiving without my parents but I guess it is my first Thanksgiving without my parent but with all my siblings. Anyhow, as the "cook" of us four, I'm assuming most will lie on me, which is fine. Maybe I should talk with my younger sister to see how we could make it special for all of us. I love to cook but presentation and post-dinner activities are not my "specialty." Somehow, I doubt spending the evening packing some of my stuff will make them excited to spend the evening at our apartment. I wonder if they would enjoy pulling out the Christmas decorations and tree???

a song: sweet and sigh-worthy

2011-11-02T13:37:00.000-07:00

To Whom It May Concern

Why are you so far from me?

In my arms is where you ought to be

How long will you make me wait?

I don't know much more I can take

I've missed you

But I haven't met you

Oh how I want to

How I do

Slowly counting down the days

Till I finally know your name

The way your hand feels round my waist

The way you laugh, the way your kisses taste

I've missed you

But I haven't met you

Oh how I want to

How I do

I've missed you

But I haven't met you

Oh I've missed you

But I haven't met you

Oh but I want to

Oh how I want to

Dear whoever you might be

I'm still waiting patiently

**by The Civil Wars (Joy Williams and John Paul White)

a political dialogue

2011-10-29T21:20:00.000-07:00

Me: What do you think is on his sign? A field? A loaf of bread?
My Sister: It's a football!!
Me: What?? How do you know that?
My Sister: Because he's a football coach. His whole campaign is based on teamwork.
Me: Oh!...Clearly I missed that.

What is God like?

2011-10-25T16:36:00.000-07:00

Lloyd: What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me... ending up together?
Mary: Well, Lloyd, that's difficult to say. I mean, we don't really...
Lloyd: Hit me with it! Just give it to me straight! I came a long way just to see you, Mary. The least you can do is level with me. What are my chances?
Mary: Not good.
Lloyd: You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?
Mary: I'd say more like one out of a million.
[pause]
Lloyd: So you're telling me there's a chance... *YEAH!*

This quote is a favorite of mine. I often find myself silently thinking that last line, wanting to quote it to people but unsure if they'd recognize where it's from or judge me for knowing where the quote is from (Dumb and Dumber, in case you didn't know. Yes, I like stupid humor...moving on.)

There's a saying that if something is repeated, it is probably worth hearing! And perhaps the more something is repeated, the more important it becomes.

The last two years, while teaching the Old Testament books (Genesis-Malachi) to the middle school students, at church, I found myself coming across the same statement, repeated over and over, albeit slightly different wordings. A beautiful statement that tells us about God's character.

"You are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity"

**taken from Jonah 4:2

Gracious, compassionate, slow to anger, abounding (love this word) in love, the God who relents...all words that speak of His incredible love and mercy.

So what does Dumb and Dumber have to do with God? What thin connection am I going to create here?

The thing that became apparent over the last two years of teaching the Old Testament is the depravity of the people. Incredible amounts of wickedness, idolatry, and unbelief. No more than the depravity of our own times...I think that we just try to pretty it up. Time and time again, God sent his servants to speak truth to the people, including both the Israelites and the neighboring countries. And repeatedly His judgment was poured out against the sins of those people. And yet! There is this thread of hope...this thread of goodness and redemption that is intertwined throughout the Old Testament.

It struck me that no matter how bad the people were...no matter how dark their hearts or sin-filled their deeds were, there was still a chance for forgiveness and salvation. Even in Jonah, the Assyrians (Ninevah was the capitol) had a horrific reputation...ruthless, bloodthirsty, powerful and fearless. Jonah may have feared for his life by walking into Ninevah but we learn in Chapter 4, that his greatest concern was that they would seek God and he knew what would happen if they did...God would extend forgiveness. The promised destruction and judgment would be cancelled out by God's love. The chance for salvation was always there, always available. Mercy would prevail over justice, if mercy was sought.

Such good news for them. Such good news for us.

Sleep therapy

2011-10-21T08:32:00.000-07:00

Somebody upset me a couple days ago.

And the more I thought about it afterwards, the more angry I got until finally for my own sanity, I had to give it to God and think on something else.

That night, I dreamed that I lashed out at this person, venting all the things had upset me.

When I woke up, I realized that my dream had been therapeutic.
I got to voice my frustrations and wake up much more peaceful.

Oh that it always worked that way, amen?

2011-10-18T08:29:00.000-07:00

You may be waiting for a call from God, and you missed the fact that He has already called you. You were created to reflect His image and to fulfill His purpose. You are the living product of divine intentionality. You are not an accident. You were made on purpose, and because of that, you can know that you have a purpose.

Chasing Daylight by Erwin Raphael McManus

God's handiwork

2011-10-17T19:33:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, I flew into Seattle from the East.
Sitting on the left hand side of the the plane, the brillant sun shines on me, quickly heating me up. I push up my sleeves, trying to stay as cool as possible, while also enjoying this surge of heat. Peering out the window, I got to see the patchwork of fields, rivers, and trees, like a unique vegetation patchwork quilt...God's handiwork in green and brown tones.

As we approached our destination, I could see the Cascade Mountains in front of us, including the stately Mt. Rainier. Just east of the mountains, starting at the foothills, was a blanket of white cloud illuminated by the intense sun; as if God had shaken out the blanket over the land, stretching out to the ocean. Its beauty was equally amazing as the patchwork quilt.

As we flew above the white blanket, it was apparent that it was tightly woven, allowing not a glimpse as to what lay underneath. Lower and lower the plane descended and it struck me that while I knew the land was hidden under that blanket, there was an element of faith for what could not be seen.

Soon the plane was just above the blanket but no longer was it a soft even layer of white but individual giant puffy clouds; impressively designed and seemingly frozen in motion. Down we soar, quickly enveloped by the clouds, until we finally pass through, finding ourselves underneath the God-created blanket and once again home.

Moments later, I step out of the airport and look up in the sky. On this side, the blanket is grey, the tight weave still apparent, for no sun peaks through. Having just seen and felt the sun moments earlier, I know it's very much there even though it is now the hidden element. The cool air blows around me and suddenly once again chilled, I pull my sleeves back down and wrap my cardigan around me to keep warm, contented by this worship session with my Lord.

Our one-on-one chat

2011-10-07T09:21:00.000-07:00

Good morning!

I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee by my side and am going to pretend that you and I are together, catching up with one another and/or getting to one another. I'm going to also pretend that I'm not at work but rather that we are comfortably relaxing on my red couch or at some coffee shop. After all...rainy days are perfect for coffee, one-on-one chats with friends, and daydreaming.

So how are you?
I wish I could hear your answer but since I can't, know that I'm praying for you regardless...thanking God for the joys in your life and praying for the struggles, busyness, and uncertainities that threaten to overwhelm you, at times.

This weekend, as in starting 4pm tonight, I'll be on my way to a ladies retreat, with my church. My friend, I love my church and I love the ladies at my church but I dislike retreats. So why do I go time and time again? Because my dislike stems from the fact that I am an introvert...did you know that about me? It's not a great secret. But yes, I'm an introvert and being gone from my apartment and around a large-ish group of loud women for a whole weekend, makes me want to crawl under my bed covers, with a good book, and not come out. But I sign up, approximately every other year, because I know the socializing is good for me and these ladies are so dear. Plus this year also carries the feeling that this is probably my last retreat with this church...so I'm going.

I got my haircut last night. Mostly in anticipation of my interview in Toledo, Ohio next weekend. But it was getting long. Whenever I wear my hair up in a ponytail every. single. day. then I know it's time for a haircut. Another clue that it was time was the fact that I could put volumizing mousse in my hair and blow dry to eternity and it will still hang flat. So I got my haircut and I was in heaven, I tell you! I love haircuts. I love getting the shampoo and this gal even gave a scalp massage in the process. Then I go sit in that chair and start the process of being lulled to sleep. How do I almost get lulled to sleep? Well, I have to take my glasses off so that they can do all their stuff easily...so since I can't see anything clearly, I'm not concentrating on anything specific. And then, people "playing" with my hair relaxes me faster than a glass of wine. (Okay, that might not be true...I'll have to time myself one day and see!) If I trusted myself to not make silly sleeping sounds or to the head jerk thing when you sleep sitting up, I probably would have allowed myself to doze. However, since I'm prone to head jerking, I'd be one jerk away from an accidental bald patch in the back of my head. No thanks!

Okay, my coffee cup has been refreshed. How about yours?

My brother got a job yesterday; blessed be the Lord! He starts today. He's working at Les Schwab...a tire/car store. He doesn't have any background in this so he'll have to receive quite a bit of training but this could be very good for him...hopefully he'll like this job. I keep telling people that he was one week away from living in our (my younger sister and I) living room.

Okay, well I need to stop pretending...work is beckoning for my attention. But this has been wonderful. We'll have to do it again some time, okay?

Enjoy your day and your weekend. Be encouraged...God is with you...you aren't forgotten.

A biblical narrative: II Kings 6

2011-10-06T10:54:00.000-07:00

I know I've said this a few times but I sure hope there is a movie theatre in Heaven where we can sit down and watch Bible Stories as they happened. 'Twould be amazing!

One such story that I would LOVE to see unfold is found in II Kings 6. Let me share it with you!
__________

The king of Aram decides to wage war on the king of Israel.
King A strategically plans how he will attack King I and send his troops in. But by the time the troops get to this place, the Israelites are gone. So they turn around to march back to their campsite to inform King A.

Not to be discouraged, King A goes back to the strategy table with his advisor and plans their next move. They get input from their spies on where the Israelites moved to and their excitement builds. The call to attack occurs and the troops march off.

However, once they get to the second place, the Israelites are once again gone...talk about deja vu! So they walk back to their campsite rightfully afraid of King A's reaction. Infuriated, King A demands his spies to explain what happen. They humbly hold fast to their initial reports of the Israelites location just days ago. So King A sends them out again.

Once they return, assured of the Israelites whereabouts, King A implements his third plan of attack. The soldiers and their chariots move out, making the third trek and are dismayed to find the Israelites have eluded them once again.

Enraged, King A demands his officers to tell him what is going on. How are the Israelites finding out when and from where his people are going to attack? Was one of his trusted men a traitor, an Israelite spy?? One of his officers steps forward, fearfully hoping that by doing so he doesn't get killed, and informs the king that a man of God is telling King I when King A will attack and from which direction. This man of God is how they keep missing the Israelites.

So logic says...hunt down and take out the man of God first and then we can destroy the Israelites! And that is what King A's soldiers set off to do. The find where the man of God is located and circle the city around his house, at nighttime, preparing to attack.
__________

The sun rises and peaks over the horizon. Pretty soon the city will be awake and alive with activity. But Elisha is already up! He awoke an hour ago to prayerfully start his day in presence of Yahweh. He could hear his servant moving about in the main room of the house, undoubtedly getting breakfast started. But the muted sounds would not distract his daily routine of prayer, beseeching the ever faithful Yahweh for His counsel and wisdom. Elisha knew that Yahweh was capable of anything and the Savior of any who follow and obey Him. How many times had Elisha witnessed that very salvation, of individuals and of nations?

As his prayers ended with the sun was rising, Elisha got up and left his bedroom. The servant quickly offered to get Elisha some water and moved to pick up their water jar to fill it up at the well outside. The servant opened the jar, saw the horizon and trembled in horror. There, framing the hillside, was row after row of their enemy soldiers, with spears and swords in hand and he knew they were after his master Elisha. Elisha turned towards the door when the servant began questioning, with fear and tears in his voice, what they would possibly do. Elisha moved to his doorway and saw the enemy lines, as if assessing the threat, before calmly turning to his servant to say, "do not be afraid. Those who are with us are more than those who are with them."

"WHAT??? DO NOT BE AFRAID??? WE ARE GOING TO DIE AND PROBABLY SLOWLY TORTURED FIRST! AND YOU WANT ME TO NOT BE AFRAID???

THOSE WHO ARE WITH US??? DO YOU SEE ANYONE ELSE IN THIS HOUSE BESIDES YOU AND ME?? IF YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THE TOWNSPEOPLE, WE ARE STILL GREATLY OUTNUMBERED...SO WHAT YOU COULD YOU POSSIBLY MEAN???"

Elisha take a deep calm breath, holding back the knowing smile that threatens to break through, and simply prays. He prays that his servants eyes would be open.

And all of a sudden, the servant felt like what could only be described as a veil being lifted, and much to his astonishment, he saw those who were with him and Elisha. There, in between the soldiers and the town, was another army; row after row after row of soldiers, horses, and chariots all made fire! The fire army numerically far surpassed King A's army. The servant immediately knew that Yahweh was saving them once again.
__________

The story continues but I'll stop here. It's rather quite a wonderful story. I would love to see that fire army! And to see Elisha's confidence in the salvation of God! Anyhow, I hope you've enjoy my little elaborated narrative. What Bible story would you like to see on the Heavenly big screen?

Lean not on what makes sense...part 3

2011-10-04T09:25:00.000-07:00

**to read part 1, to read part 2**

As I mentioned, in June I said no to Ohio.

However, with the "pause" over continuing education, dare I hope that Ohio could actually still have an opening these couple months later? So I emailed the director...

And the next day I heard back saying that he still had one position to fill! I asked to be considered for that opening, if possible. So on October 15th, I'll be having an interview. I'm one of three girls being considered for this one position. And the funny thing is, they are only slotting 30 minutes for the interview. However, now that I'm slatted for an interview, I feel a bit ambivalent about this position. I think it's partly because if the job goes to one of the other two girls, it simply means that this is not the ministry for me. And a closed door is fine.

Side story: Before I actually contacted the director, I was chatting with my mentor/friend about this ministry. Like me, she thinks this ministry is completely complimentary of my personality. So she prayed that this ministry would contact me about an open position and even if I contacted them that God would make it clear whether or not this is the ministry for me. That night, after the prayer, is when I decided to just go ahead and email the director. Side story over.

But where the unexpected twist occurs, is that approximately 4 days later, the ministry in Maryland contacted me out of the blue! I get to work that morning, check my email and low and behold, there is an email waiting to be read, that asks if I am still looking for a ministry and interested in their program...if so, they one spot to fill. My initial reaction was stunned silence. In fact I didn't say or do anything about this for at least 24 hours. But nor could I ignore it. After all, my mentor/friend had prayed that the ministry would contact ME and while she wasn't praying about Maryland, here is a ministry that did just what she prayed for. So after prayer and thought, I emailed back to say that I was interested.

At the end of that week, we had two phone calls (because the first call had to be cut short since I needed to go to work) and talked all of 4 hours about the ministry and myself. I was honest with this gal that I was flying out to Ohio for an interview but wasn't sure how things would turn out. So anyhow, where things stand now with Maryland, is that I just sent in the rest of paperwork that they wanted from me with various other questions that were not covered in our interviews along with the references.

It's a bit of a waiting game. Waiting for my interview in Ohio (now 1.5 weeks away). Waiting to hear back from Maryland. Waiting for more of God's wisdom and guidance.

Where things get "messy" is that in addition to these two ministries, I was also made aware of a position in Thailand overseeing a guest house. I applied for that more spontaneously than was probably wise. While this sounds exciting and while I would LOVE the hospitality element, I think this position would be about half administrative, which I would DISLIKE. And then...yes I know, a plethora of options...my friends in Mexico really REALLY want me to join them. I don't know how I feel about that ministry. Part of me genuinely wants to go but I wonder if that's the part of me that misses them and knows I would enjoy working with them. So I don't know. Another thing I keep thinking of is that for either Mexico or Maryland, I could always give it a try for a year...no harm in that. Then if it's not for me, I could move on. But that line of thinking doesn't lead me any closer to an answer.

All I know, in that all of these options, my life will be changing soon! At some time from mid-November to February...I'll be moving onward and outward. (November is really really soon...eek!)

So that's my story, thus far. None of this is what I would have predicted or planned for my life. However I'm learning that the Lord doesn't always lead us onto the path that is full of understanding. But that is when trusting the Lord because a reality.

Psalm 37:4

2011-10-01T23:31:00.000-07:00

Delight yourself in the Lord

and He will give you the desires of your heart

Psalm 37:4

What does this verse mean??

It is commonly used, in Christian circles, as verse of promise and feel-good encouragement. A warm cozy blanket verse to remind the Christian that they are loved and cherished.

And yet, how many Christians out there feel cheated? That God has somehow overlooked them? Or how many Christians feel confused as in, since I don't have what I want, does that mean I don't delight enough in the Lord?

The verse obviously offers no time frame. So does this verse mean to delight yourself faithfully in the Lord, despite your current circumstances, and eventually God will bless you with the desires of your heart?

One teaching that I've heard over the years is that as you delight yourself in the Lord, your desires change to the things that are His desires, and then as they match, God will give you those things, bringing you much joy in the process...but they things may not be the same things as you originally thought you wanted. While I think there is some validity to this line of thinking, I'm not convinced that this is a completely accurate explanation.

For example...and I suppose this is my biggest "hang-up" as well...the topic of singleness and marriage. I've wanted to be married my whole life, more or less. Being a wife and mom has always been a part of my envisioned future and yet, it evades me. I will readily admit, along the lines of that previously mentioned teaching, that in my singleness there has been much delight and joy. The Lord has indeed blessed me every step of the way. I can even look at times of trial and see God's goodness permeating through those times. And I do believe that in my relationship with Him, He has planted some of His desires in my heart, making them also my own. But despite all this, the desire for a husband and a family remains. In fact, if anything, the desire has grown with time. Do I feel cheated or overlooked? No, not necessarily because I know that God is here with me, fully aware of this heart desire, and will be faithful to me, regardless of what my future looks like.

But I still struggle when I hear this verse. Am I understanding this verse incorrectly? Does it mean something more than what I think it says? If God doesn't provide a husband and family, does that mean that He has broken this promise? I don't know...

P.S. I don't like the thought that God might break a promise. The resason it doesn't sit well is because I know it is impossible...He has never broken one yet. But how do you explain this verse to the couple who remains childless, the person unable to find a job, or the person who never gets married. I don't know...

But what I do know and am thankful for is that my God's shoulders are big enough to handle my questions and dreams. So on this note, I'm signing off again and finally going to bed. :)

Lean not on what makes sense...part 2

2011-09-27T17:59:00.000-07:00

**In case you haven't read the first part...go here!**

So I chose a school and program. Applied and got accepted. Started making plans to move across the country. Told everyone what God had in store for me next. Until...

five weeks ago!

About five weeks ago, I started to feel a "pause"...I keep using the word "pause" because at no point yet have I heard a clear "NO"...just more an unsettled question mark that school is where I am supposed to go. So I began praying that if this is God telling me "NO" that I would have the ears to hear.

So I began to consider...if I don't do school, is ministry next for me?

At the beginning of the year, knowing my graduation was in sight, I started looking at various ministries. I applied to a non-profit organization in Ohio, that works with girls pull from trafficking. I applied to a non-profit ministry in Maryland, that works with pregnant girls. I considered missions especially as my friends were called and left for ministry in Mexico, with pleas for me to follow. But nothing came of those ministries. Nothing happened until June.

In the meanwhile, I considered continuing school and made the decision to apply.

But in June, the trafficking ministry in Ohio emailed me to say that they had one position left to fill and my application is next...am I still interested? However, I said "no" in light of the fact that I had recently chosen to continue education. And so that door closed.

Every so often I would reflect how perfect it had sounded for my personality.

You see, I still hold to the thought that my job in Germany was perfect for me. What was it that I liked so much? The care-taking, the nurturing, the living together and speaking into "my kids" lives more than just once or twice a week, like a youth pastor. Truth be told, all I've ever wanted, my entire life, is to be a wife and mom. I've realized that I don't necessarily need to be a mom to my own kids but find joy in the idea of being a mom to any kid. And both the Ohio and Maryland jobs offer those care-taking, nurturing elements.

But as I mentioned, in June I said no to Ohio.

However, with the "pause" over continuing education, dare I hope that Ohio could actually still have an opening these couple months later? So I emailed the director...

Lean not on what makes sense...part 1

2011-09-24T12:18:00.000-07:00

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding.

Back in May, my current pastor came out to candidate, at my church, and preached on Proverbs 3:5-6. A very familiar passage...one that I've had memorized for years and years, and have heard many sermons on. A favorite verse of many that I thought was good but definitely not my favorite (**side note: I have a weird aversion towards things that are wildly popular...like this verse or Jeremiah 29:11 or the song Amazing Grace...they are all good but over-adored by Christians, which I know is a ridiculous thought process.) So when this pastor starts in, I settle in for the sermon I could (naively) preach without preparation. But it ended up being the very thing what I needed to hear that Sunday in May.

As you devoted (despite my infrequency) longer-time (as in the last 3-6 months) readers/friends know, I have been waffling in what comes next my life.

Call to ministry...check!
Bachelor's degree and overseas experience...check! check!
Stable job...check!
Master's degree...check!
Deciding what to do next...check?

Do I move into ministry? Do I do more schooling? Do I pursue mission? Do I wait for a divine neon sign to tell me what to do and where to go?

My mentor friend loaned me a book by Erwin McManus, called Chasing Daylight. To summarize it, Erwin argues that there are some things you don't need to ask God for permission to do...you have already been called. You have already been anointed or chosen or equipped to do things...so do them! Just be willing to stop if God tells you to stop!

With this mentality, along with that May sermon to not put all my faith in what necessarily makes sense, I chose more school.

Can I do this? Yes!
Will I enjoy this? Yes!
Can I be successful at this? Yes!
Did God create this studious nature within me? Yes!
So should I be a student again? Yes?

So I chose a school and program. Applied and got accepted. Started making plans to move across the country. Told everyone what God had in store for me next. Until...

Hark! The weekend is nigh!

2011-09-16T10:10:00.000-07:00

The last two weeks or so, I've been running on "tired."

Despite being tired, I've distracted myself with books, keeping myself reading night after night, until 10pm, 10:30pm, or 11pm. (10:30pm is the usual time when I turn the lights off on a normal weekday.) So I haven't allowed myself to get extra sleep, even though I've known I've needed it.

Then the weekends are usually my "catching up" days but those have been fully loaded from early morning to late at night. It's rather humorous how busy my schedule has been...not that I'm complaining. I've chosen this busy schedule and have been able to do a number of fun things, over the past months' weekends, such as go to the fair and rodeo, do a day hike on Mount Rainier, early morning phone chats, church campouts, dinner with friends, etc...

But tomorrow is mostly empty of plans. (It was completely empty until today...I just scheduled an interview at 11am, which still means sleeping in and a leisurely time of waking up. I'll probably even have my interview in my pajamas! Gotta love that!) I am so excited to have a (mostly) open day...a day of rest...a Sabbath day, for me and the Lord. I hope this day is one of those nice looooong days where times ticks by slowly!

**Okay, who just thought of The Princess Bride when reading that last paragraph. "It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead" (Miracle Max). Or is it just me who thought of that? :)

Anyhow, I hope the weekend ahead of you, regardless if it is full or empty of plans, brings refreshment and laughter and is full of the presence of God.

Psalm 19: Creation in worship

2011-09-13T16:45:00.000-07:00

The heavens declare the glory of God;

the skies proclaim the work of his hands

Day after day they pour forth speech;

night after night they reveal knowledge.

They have no speech, they use no words;

no sound is heard from them.

Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,

their words to the ends of the world.

Over the last couple weeks, I've wondered what the declarations of creation sounds like in God's ears. What kind of melody is He listening to? How do the breezes, the birds, and the radiance of nature translate into a God-honoring worship? And what I really want to know is when I get to Heaven, will God let me hear some of creation's worship songs?

Choices

2011-09-07T15:11:00.000-07:00

Whenever someone faces a choice, they are usually encouraged to makes lists of PROS and CONS.
The idea is that whichever list has more PROS, choose that! or the hope is that when listing the PROS and CONS, the individual is enlightened to what they truly want. At least that is how it seems to go in tv shows or movies.

But for me...it's an endless cycle of not knowing what to do.
Both options have multiple pros and both options have cons.
In fact, at this point in time, the option I previously didn't choose, is the one that makes more sense whereas the option I did choose, has more cons. Hmm.

But cons don't make that decision wrong. They just make it uncomfortable.
I had peace about my decision until the last week.
Now, I've re-entered a time of praying and much thinking.
It's a bit frustrating and plus the decision formerly made is now demanding me to move forward accordingly.

And I feel like a stalled car sitting at a crossroads.
I've been here before. Made a turn.
Only to find out that if want to change my mind, there's a "u-turn" option ahead.
Nuts! I suppose life is often like that, only this time that "u-turn" option has really give me a pause.

So while I sort this out...here's a little old school DC Talk...

Sept 1 to Sept 9

2011-09-06T16:32:00.000-07:00

These days.
Washing
Packing
Planning
Driving
Flying
Hugging
Talking
Laughing
Thinking
Praying
Delighting
Playing
Laying on a beach
Drinking coffee
Taking pictures
Sightseeing
Eating
Returning
Working (repeat)
Drinking coffee (repeat)
Thinking (repeat)
Praying (repeat)
Meeting
Washing
Grocery shopping
Volunteering
Meeting
Canning?
Sleeping, oh yes, sleeping
Anticipating

Searching

2011-09-01T11:00:00.000-07:00

Dearest--

...For where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried...

I just have to find you first.

Me.
:)

**Quote taken from Ruth 1:16-17.

Defining words: Hallelujah

2011-08-30T08:10:00.000-07:00

One website that I visit on a somewhat regular basis (once a month, approx), is http://www.dictionary.com/. I am a bit "attentive" about spelling words correctly and so will often go there to check spelling. Or sometimes I go there to see what a word means, mainly so that I don't use it incorrectly. Two weeks ago, I explained "prodigal." Today, the journey continues...

One word that is said quite regularly, in my opinion, is Hallelujah!
Especially if you attend church regularly, Hallelujah pops up in many many songs. However, interestingly enough, it is only in 4 verses of the Bible, according NIV and NASB translations, and all four times are located in the book of Revelations, in chapter 19. Interesting!

According to http://www.dictionary.com/, the word Hallelujah originates in the Hebrew language and quite wonderfully means "Praise Ye Yahweh!" or more modernly "Praise the Lord!"

And while humanity has liberalized the word so that it might mean:

an expression of relief or a similar emotion
a shout of joy, praise, or gratitude;

when you break the word down by origin, the word still means "Praise Ye Yahweh!"

So last week, my "atheist" co-worker responded, by email, to a situation that we had been working on by saying "Hallelujah! Have a good Friday."
Imagine my delight and chuckle!
Praise the Lord indeed!

A Young Man Lacking Sense

2011-08-29T02:00:00.000-07:00

*I am doing a guest post (eek!) over at BetaChristian, a New Yorker who enjoys coffee and discussing spiritual things as much as I do! Every Monday, Moe has a running feature called Usual Suspects where he introduces a "lesser-known" Bible character. And this time, I got the privilege of contributing to it. So below is the start but then be sure go over to read the rest!

**a narrative adapted from Proverbs 7:6-28

They say it takes a village to raise a child.
I'm not sure our village can do any more for my neighbor's child, other than to pray to Yahweh.

My neighbor has a son and oh, the heartache this son has brought upon the heads of his parents. His father shakes his head. His mother wrings her hands. They continually desire to show him grace. They continually encourage him to walk in the way of our beloved King David, a man after God's own heart. But nothing seems to get through.

Even simple choices...things that are prudent and helpful...it's like he doesn't even consider those things that would help make life easier. He lacks common sense.

Continue reading...

A Thoroughly German Post

2011-08-25T08:12:00.000-07:00

I am having a "I miss Germany" week.
Along with "I miss Germany" comes the "I miss the Black Forest Academy." But this is about Germany, not BFA.

A colleague that I rarely work with just returned this past weekend from Germany, which probably started my whole "I miss Germany" week...thanks a lot Phil.

Here are some of the great things about Germany, just in case you've never been. And if you've never been, you should go...like right NOW...like start checking out airfare and get that passport renewed. And if you have been there, share in my love of Germany...let the great things of Germany wash over you until you, like me, are having an "I miss Germany" week (what a mean stinker I am!). So without further ado, the great things about Germany:

Destinations:

Okay, I don't have a lot of destinations, to be honest. I sadly didn't get to see a lot of German places as it is quite a large country and so many other equally interesting neighboring countries. But of the places I did go, I miss:

Berlin. This destination currently holds the coveted "best place I've ever visited" title. It surpassed all that I expected (which may be why I loved my time there)...mainly because I went with low expectations, really going for the company and not caring about the history or tourist opportunities. It was A-MAZ-ING! Ich bin ein Berliner!
Rothenburg ob der Tauber. This little gem of a town is not super easy to get to, unless you drive in. It's a walled in city having it's roots start back about a millennium ago. If you go, you must eat a Schneeballen and go on the Nightwatchman tour. They have an English tour every night...it's interesting, funny, and completely worthwhile.
Freiburg im Breisgau. I know I'm completely biased about this city seeing as it was the closest German city near me but I think it's wonderful. The cathedral is beautiful. The area is surrounded by cobblestone streets and quaint cafes.
Grocery Stores. I know that nobody ever visits a country dreaming of visiting the local grocery stores but I love German grocery stores. I love the random non-food-related items you'd find in there (why yes, I did need a garden shovel! and of course it makes perfect sense to find it right next to the cheese!). I miss the German words swirling about me as I walk up and down the four or five aisles. I miss the unique food items that you simply cannot find over here. I miss the race to load your cart as fast as possible due to the itty-bitty counter. Good times, good times.

Food:

Schnitzel with spaetzle...the epitome of goodness. Don't think about the calories...just eat!
Pretzels...crusty and salty on the outside, soft on the inside.
Apfelkuchen mit kaffee...the perfect "coffee date" recipe
Pizza brotchen...there are these frozen pizza things you can buy at the grocery store. It's an individual serving of pizza on brotchen (a roll of sorts). We always had a box or two or three in our deep freezer for staff lunches, after-school snacks or random weekend meals. So good.
Schokomusli...the combination of chocolate and granola. Perfect for breakfast, lunch, dinner or any snack in between.

Spargel (Asparagus)...okay, now you're thinking "Mindy, good news...asparagus isn't just in Germany!" But what you may not know is that you rarely find green spargel. You will more likely find fat white spargel that come in April or May and become the featured guest on every restaurant menu. Pour a little hollandaise sauce on it and yum!
Apfelshorle...a combination of apple juice and club soda (I think?)...all I know is that I've tried to duplicate this to no avail.
Bratwurst. Before I went to Germany, I didn't mind bratwursts...it was okay. After Germany, I sometimes find myself standing in the bratwurst section at my grocery store, wondering if I should indulge myself or walk away, and missing the Germany bratwurst selection.

Extra German goodness:

Quaint cafes and/or outdoor seating. I know this isn't German specific but having lived most my life in a cool often-rainy area, sitting outside at a restaurant or cafe, rarely happens. I think it was in Germany where I sat outside for the first time and LOVED IT!
Autobahn...Yes, it has the reputation of "no speed limit" but it is a very safe place to drive. And not only that but Germans are very particular about carrying out good driving rules...rules I often wish for over here in Washington (like only being in the right hand lane to pass!!!!)
Castles on the hillside. Seriously!!! Nothing in the States compares with that.
Sparmuhl. The "get rid of your junk for free" day and a day to go "free junk shopping"....love it!

I also miss the short business hours, everything closed on Sundays, and various year-round markets and celebrations. I'd even be willing to put up with the humorous and slightly ridiculous garbage rules again.

Yessir-e-bob...I think I need to go back there one day.

These Whirlwind Days

2011-08-24T09:23:00.000-07:00

I've allowed my schedule to get busy...much busier than normal.
Part of it is in the fact that I'm trying to take full advantage of the summer season before the rainy season returns (some time between mid-September and mid-October).

I used to think that Washington had four seasons...as I've aged, I've changed my mind. We have about 2-4 weeks of real winter, 2-6 weeks of real summer and then the rest of the time is the rainy or overcast season. Yes, spring and fall can have some really lovely days...the kind that makes us glad to live in Washington. But then the grey skies return and the heavens open with rain...which isn't completely awful, despite how I just managed to make it sound gloomy.

So anyhow, as I was saying, I'm trying to take advantage of the few remaining sunnier, warmer days. And, since I'm moving at then end of the year, I'm trying to be intentional about investing in relationships. And I've also decided to get involved in some community service...more on that another time. The busy schedule isn't bad and right now, I'm not feeling too stretched or tired but it is a bit astounding (to me) at how full it becomes.

I think I'll end with a random question...
I have friends coming for dinner on Saturday. Usually planning a menu is one of the exciting elements of inviting guests over, for me anyways. But this time, my mind is blank. I think of one dish...no excitement. I think of another dish...no excitement. I'm running out of time and need to go shopping for said meal. What should I make??? I wish I had a BBQ grill...I could get excited about that!

Defining words: Prodigal

2011-08-17T09:45:00.000-07:00

One website that I visit on a somewhat regular basis (once a month, approx), is http://www.dictionary.com/. I am a bit "attentive" about spelling words correctly and so will often go there to check spelling. Or sometimes I go there to see what a word means, mainly so that I don't use it incorrectly.

**Side note: I often think of the scene in the wonderfully clever movie The Princess Bride, when Vizzini says "Inconceivable!" one too many times and Inigo Montoya responds with "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

Anywhooo...
Yesterday, I looked up the word "prodigal." Not sure why...I guess the story of the "prodigal son" came to mind and I wondered, after hearing that word for years and years, what it truly meant.

**Another side note: all of this seems very familiar to me...so this may all be very similar to something that was recently published that I may have read (Francis Chan, maybe?). I'm not trying to steal anyone's thunder...not that anything I say would be new under the sun. Moving on...

Anyhow, the word Prodigal!

It's an adjective, meaning:

wastefully or recklessly extravagant: prodigal expenditure.
giving or yielding profusely; lavish (usually followed by of or with ): prodigal of smiles; prodigal with money.
lavishly abundant; profuse: nature's prodigal resources.

Recklessly extravagant! Giving profusely! Lavish! Abundant!

So back to the story of the prodigal son, in Luke 15:11-32. Yes, the son was certainly a prodigal...the very inheritance that the father gave to the son, was recklessly and wastefully given away. The passage doesn't say how long it took the son to squander the wealth that he had. But it is apparent that his inheritance meant nothing to him outside of gratifying his immediate desires.

But we also see a prodigal father. In the face of his youngest son's demands for the inheritance, the father still gives. And when the son returns, penniless and oh-so-needy, the father runs to the son and welcomes him back freely and wholly. The father lavishes love and forgiveness on his son, offers his son a robe, sandals and a ring, and a party with choice meats. No conditions, no contracts, no hesitation. The father gave again and again to this immature and reckless son. A son that didn't earn or deserve anything.

The story of the prodigal son is just a story...a parable told by Jesus, that reflects some amazing and humbling truths. I am the wasteful, reckless, immature, and undeserving son. I often demand my own way, do whatever pleases me and then in humility, crawl back to God asking for His help. God is the extravagant and lavishing Father, who loves with a reckless abandon. He gives freely and wholly, continually offering love, redemption and forgiveness, to all who ask.

The makings of a wonderful love story.

Joy in pain

2011-08-12T10:32:00.000-07:00

lessons that teach
community reaching in
words that encourage
hugs
knowing that God is still there
surviving
moments of release and relaxation and even laughter
the ability to feel, care, love, grieve
seeing the good, despite the bad
learning more about my strengths and weaknesses
being able to see transformation
learning how to communicate and handle conflict

Larger Radiant Joys

2011-08-11T09:23:00.000-07:00

sunshine bursting forth through grey clouds
the depth and richness of nature's colors
being wooed by the Savior
memorizing Scripture
meditating on Scriptures as it makes it way down to my heart
sister bonding time
getting inside a closed-up car, warmed by the sun
wind blowing you like a giant hug
farmer's markets lined with produce, flowers, and knick-knacks
sparkling waters
books that charm, encourage, challenge, or delight
grand stately mountains
the pleasure of using the talents that God has given me
planning excursions and reunions with friends
signing up to once again cook for 20 people
strangers and friends who offer up their homes

**what are you thankful for today?

Joys During Singleness

2011-08-10T09:15:00.000-07:00

college life
dormitory living
college degrees
living with my grandparents for a few months
Black Forest Academy/my kiddos
living in Europe
ministry experiences
cooking for 15-20 people
friendships from all over
working in a coffee shop
able to give freely
hospitality in my apartment
silence when needed
Godly lessons on trust, patience, responsibility
falling in love with the Word
revisiting Germany and Holland
a vision and future beyond my expectations
working with middle school students
having a sustaining hope
able to serve spontaneously
last minute plans to see friends
coffee dates with girlfriends
not having to talk after watching an emotional movie
being cultivated by God
rejoicing in other's blessings
sleeping in on Saturdays as needed
minimal criticism on my cooking
satisfaction of accomplishing jobs

**I'm chuckling over this list, because honestly I was surprised at how much I came up with...should that surprise me? God has allowed me to remain single thus far...would He not choose to bless me during this time...my singleness doesn't negate the fact that there is much to be thankful for! Amen and amen!

Little Tiny Joys

2011-08-09T10:18:00.000-07:00

raindrops hanging on windows or plants
breathing in eucalyptus-mint scent
chubby newborn cheeks
freckles that speak of uniqueness
a beautiful picture
an idea to encourage
prayers that remind that God is powerful and good
fresh berries as a gift
excitement over fun plans with my sister
laughter...delighted, full-body laughter
receiving packages
other people praying on your behalf
wildflowers
skype phone calls with distant friends
apfelkuchen from a friend
hearing stories of what God is doing around the world

Joy comes in the morning

2011-08-08T11:21:00.000-07:00

I know I've done similar things before but after reading "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp, I have been challenged to be a joy-filled person. To discover the joy in all circumstances, even the mundane.

In all circumstances includes:

bringing God into the simple tasks of taking care of laundry, washing dishes, or dusting (and I truly dislike dusting)!
finding joy in the crappy, horrid, pain-filled moments...knowing and seeing that even then, God is still there!
as well as every moment in between!

When we choose to be thankful in our days and moments, we can be transformed by joy while inviting God to show Himself and to speak to us in ways a closed-off, un-thankful heart cannot hear or see.

So I've spent some time over the last two weeks, compiling a few lists of which bring joy. I'll be sharing these lists over the next few mornings. Feel free to share anything that you are thankful for and brings joy, if you'd like.

a few months away...

2011-07-30T20:57:00.000-07:00

daydreaming
of places, of trips, of people

daydreaming
of new coffee spots, new church, new scenery

daydreaming
of a different ocean, new cell phone!!, new reasons to skype

daydreaming
of taking subways, being close to presently distant friends, seeing historical places

daydreaming
of minimizing possessions, adventures in the snow, being astounded by heat

daydreaming
of visiting amish, laughing and imitating east coast accents, attending Bible classes

daydreaming
of visiting DC, New York, and Atlantic City

A traumatic experience

2011-07-26T10:16:00.000-07:00

This is camping season...something most people look forward to.

I'm not much of a camper, mainly because our family only went camping a couple times...and by couple I do mean 2 times!! They were both miserable experiences, as both times we were cold and wet. I think the second time we even left for home in the middle of the night because we were so wet and miserable. I'm pretty sure it was my mom who vetoed any such further attempts, not that any of us kids complained. My poor dad...

But this little post is not about those experiences but rather of a camping experience I had when I was 18.

I went to a one-year Bible school in British Columbia, Canada, the year after I graduated from high school. At the beginning of the school year (September), they offer various field trips that you can sign up for, to have "bonding time" with fellow students. By the time I arrived, there were only a couple options left, one of which was kayaking to another nearby island and then camping for the weekend. I signed up, uncertain but willing to give the whole camping thing a try, and hoped for the best.

I don't remember much of the experience as I was traumatised the first night we were there.

I do remember it being overcast and rainy...which I obviously have learned to associate with camping experiences...so nothing new there. We ended up sleeping in a open covered shelter...all of us laying there in a row. Girls on one side, boys on the other. In the dark. In the open. Pretty soon, I could hear skittering of little tiny rodent feet running around where we were laying. I tried so hard to disregard all of it and fall asleep. I actually managed to fall asleep at one point only to wake up when I felt something on my face. I quickly brush my face, with my hands, only to be horrified to hear the skittering run off in the opposite direction. Folks! A MOUSE WAS ON MY FACE!!! (at least we're calling it a mouse because anything else would only be more traumatizing.) I freaked out in a quiet-don't-wake-anyone-up type of way and decided that this was definitely NOT FUN! I spent the rest of the night trying to bury myself in my sleeping bag while trying to keep myself from suffocating with the minimal air inside.

This being said, I'd be willing to try this whole camping thing again...probably NOT out in the open so that critters could visit me...but in a tent. And in a location that is know for sunny, dry summers. Because there has to be a reason why people like camping so much...right? Maybe one day I'll learn why.

Spiritual Gifts

2011-07-21T09:28:00.000-07:00

I've always enjoyed studying and learning and thinking about spiritual gifts. It's probably because I enjoy taking personality quizzes and other such tools to learn about how I'm wired.

**Spiritual gifts are those gifts/traits that the Holy Spirit gives, once you are a follower of Christ. The purpose of those gifts is to edify the body of Christ and to minister to the world around us. This is where the church working together as one body becomes important...the Holy Spirit has given you gifts that I do not have, and visa versa.

So, two Sunday's ago, I was downstairs teaching Sunday school to the kiddos and missed the sermon. I was told twice that week that I should listen to it. So this past Sunday, I picked up a CD copy and the topic is spiritual gifts. Here are some of the questions that the guest preacher asked:

What opportunities does God keep placing before you?
What have others said that you do well?
What need or passion regularly gets you engaged?
In what areas do you have an appetite to be trained?
What's the next step?

In case you'd like a good spiritual gifts test, try this one. It's fairly decent and offers good descriptions of your gifts, at the end.

Anyhow, this sermon has filled my thoughts. I'm facing a fairly big move with all the financial obligations of that commitment. And I'm wondering how this pursuit fits into the those questions above.

Things I'm Thankful For

2011-07-18T16:07:00.000-07:00

For the past, I don't know, two (?) months, I have felt an emptiness in regards to this blog...like I have nothing to share. I can't even tell you how many times I've opened up a "new post" page, stared at it with nothing coming to mind, and then closed it all down again. I've even contemplated shutting her down but I am normally a thinker/processor who likes to do so in written form. So I'm not shutting her down but nor can I predict if or when an influx of consistent inspiration might hit.

Hey, if push comes to shove, I'll be making a cross-country trip at the end of the year...that should provide material worth writing about...

Anyhow, so for today, I thought I'd share some things that I'm thankful for:

finishing a baby blanket that I am actually quite pleased with
sermons that challenge and affirm what God is teaching me
summer produce...yum and yum
free time which allows me to volunteer in new ministries
people who speak into my life, whether directly or indirectly
an opportunity to see an old friend and her kiddos
fellowship that comes with my church family
anticipation of fun online purchases (a book and a TV show)
and for coffee...because without it, I wouldn't be where I am today. Thanks and God bless!

So what are you thankful for?

Not from around these parts...

2011-07-12T08:12:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago, I went up to Ontario, Canada to visit some friends and attend a wedding.
Because I almost never get out to that area, I decided to rent a car and see a few people. The first trip I made was from Toronto, Ontario to Toledo, Ohio.

View Larger Map

En route, I found a Starbucks while in Ontario. I gave the barista my "gold card" (which means I visit Starbucks too much probably), which automatically told her that I was from the States. Apparently in Canada, they do not have the gold card.

Barista: I wish we had these here. Where are from?
Me: Seattle, Washington
Barista: SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!!! Have you been to the original one? I think all baristas probably dream of visiting the original one!!!
Me: Yeah...I've been there. It's pretty tiny but it's always busy. It has no seating and uses the original logos...it's pretty neat!
Barista: I'm so jealous!
Me: Okay...thanks...bye.

That kept me chuckling for a little while. SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!

Then the next adventure came when I arrived to the US border.
Picture this with me: American girl, from Washington state, driving a Canadian rental car, coming from Toronto, driving to Ohio which is clearly not my home. Can we say suspicious?
The border patrol guy wanted to play 20 questions with me and didn't seem to appreciate my enthusiasm.

Border guy: Where are going?
Me: Toledo, Ohio
BG: For how long?
Me: I return in two days.
BG: What are doing in Toronto?
Me: I was visiting friends but when I head back up I'll be going to Barrie to attend a wedding.
BG: How do you know this guy?
Me: We went to college together.
BG: When is he getting married?
Me: Sunday.
BG: When are you going home?
Me: Next Monday
BG: Where do you live?
Me: Everett, Washington
BG: Where do you work?
Me: (at this point, I'm thinking "Sheesh...")
BG: How often do you come up here?
Me: Never! (chuckling)
BG: Never?
Me: (no longer chuckling) Okay, well I came to Toronto back in 2004 but never have been to Toledo.

And just when I thought he was going to ask for my social security number, fingerprints, or my first-born child, he finally(!!) said I could go.

That, my friends, was a good trip!

My heart for Judaism

2011-07-11T10:35:00.000-07:00

One thing about me that not many people know is that God has given me a love for Judaism.

I remember one day as a kid (11 or 12 years old, I think), I remember thinking about the Bible and some of the various stories that are in it. It occurred to me that Jewish people are related to Abraham and David and Esther and Daniel and of course, to Jesus! To me that was the coolest thing ever...to know you are related to these people!!! So I mentioned to my mom "I wish we were Jewish" which my mom frowned over.

The frown is something I've received a few times. It's not that anyone is anti-Semitic...it's just that they don't understand why I wish I was Jewish when, as a Christian, I have been grafted into and adopted as an heir of Jesus' family anyway.

Honestly I'm not sure I can explain it anyways.

Seeing as there is no way I'll ever become Jewish, as conversion would have to happen which would mean declaring that I am still waiting for the Messiah which I won't do as I know He has already come...it probably doesn't matter if I can explain my rationale to people or not. At any rate, I have periods of times when I can't read enough about Jewish observances, beliefs, and practices.

I think the thing that really draws me towards Judaism, beside the family lineage, is the element of holiness. The kosher lifestyle was created to set apart the Jewish people from the rest of the world. By observing food laws, cleaning laws, laws about relationships, holidays, and more, they looked and acted differently than the plethora of people around them. And when people observed and studied these Jewish people, the reason for their behaviors what God. God was invited into the center of all they did. The mundane became holy.

How often do I put food in my mouth without thinking?
How often do I clean my place with resignation or grumbling?
How often do I fail to invite God into even the little things when ALL things have the ability to be a reflection of Him?

Okay, okay...I know I do not have to be Jewish to invite God into the mundane. And I know I could be Jewish and just as easily forget to keep my focus on God, just as I do now. Soooo...it's a moot point.

All this to say, I've learned a few things from this love-relationship:
--The invitation to allow the mundane to become holy is still an invitation open to God's children...a call I would like to practice more consciously!
--Just as people were supposed to see a difference in the Jewish people, people should see a difference in me.
--If I ever have a chance to go to Israel or other Bible-story locations, or I could learn Hebrew, or if I could befriend a practicing Jewish woman, or, or, or....I'd be delighted.

And that's all that comes to mind.

Mercy triumphs over judgment

2011-07-08T09:44:00.000-07:00

I've been working my way through James.

In James 2:12, there's a little phrase at the end that says "mercy triumphs over judgment." A question that popped into my mind was whether or not this is applicable to God. God is the ultimate Judge and is full of mercy. And I've always heard that He does not (cannot?) compromise one to reveal the other. However, the word "triumph" implies that one is victorious while the other is not.

This makes me think of the people of Nineveh. Many people know the story of Jonah...how he's sent to tell the people of Nineveh that they have 40 days until destruction for their disobedience. A message of judgment, not mercy. And yet, the people recognized their sin and immediately repented of their ways and what happened? God showed mercy, not judgment. Mercy won!

Then Jonah shares a key verse to explain why mercy won: "for I knew that You are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness, and one who relents concerning calamity" (Jonah 4:2). As I've written before, these phrases of God's character are repeated 8 times in the Old Testament. Characteristics that speak of God's unending mercy and unlimited love.

Even in my own life this is applicable. Sin and destruction permeated my heart and mind. I was on a road that ended with God's judgment. And yet at the point of repentance, Mercy stepped in and saved me. Jesus' received all of God's judgment so that mercy can triumph in our lives.

Hmmm...maybe it's at the cross where God does not (cannot) compromise these two attributes. For all the mercy that we are shown, Jesus received all the judgment. I'll have to chew on this a bit more.

Anyhow, this is what I've been thinking through. May mercy triumph in and through you today!

The weather satire

2011-06-30T16:02:00.000-07:00

There's a saying I've been told this is something like: if you don't have anything to talk about, talk about the weather.

Have you all heard that one? It's pretty common.

But I immediately think that there's always gotta be SOMETHING I can talk about with someone else...any time to chat is a chance to get to know each other...to share...to learn...to invest.

So whenever people in a closer sphere of contact (but still acquaintances) bring up the weather, it always makes me cringe. Honestly, it makes me feel like they don't care about me so they are just trying to pass time by talking about the weather. So I cringe, inwardly, of course. Really??? Not how's your weekend? Do anything fun? How is your job? Anything new happening? You want to talk about the weather?? Go online and look it up!

Thankfully I don't blast the people with my mental tirade but I calmly answer their question by giving them a (stupid, pointless, no-one-cares) weather report. But I often refuse to reciprocate the question because as I just mentioned, NO ONE CARES!!!

Okay, okay, I will quickly admit that there are times when the weather is definitely worth mentioning. Like how we had over 40 days without sun...or the year we got snow in May!...or beautiful sunrises or rainbows...or whatever. That may definitely be worth mentioning...

Maybe I'm being too hard.
Maybe people really do care about weather.
Maybe I should be more gracious...because they at least care to ask about the weather rather than just sitting mute and not saying a word.

In that case, the sky is overcast and grey. It's not raining but might sprinkle a bit later. It's about 62 degrees F and apparently we are supposed to get up into the mid-70's, with sun, and occasional rain breaks, for the next 7 days!!! Isn't that exciting!?!

The moral of the story: Please oh please, don't ask me about the weather. If you don't know what to say to me, talk about coffee or some great dish you've eaten or made.

I have a feeling my own kids won't be so lucky...

2011-06-28T09:34:00.000-07:00

Back in August, I wrote about Crocheting and Babies...about crocheting baby blankets for my friends and getting sick of doing them!

Well, it's been 10 months since I wrote that post and guess what? I've started a new baby blanket. I'm enjoying working on it thus far but am not forcing myself to finish quickly, even though the baby in mind has already been born. I'm also giving myself permission to quit the blanket if I get to the point where I hate it all again! :)

But I would love to give these friends a little blanket for their little boy. I've known the husband for-ev-er! Our parents became friends while both moms were pregnant with Josh and I...so we've known each other our whole lives. Josh and his wife are great people who I love spending time with...sadly, I don't spend a lot of time with them.

So...if I finish this little blanket, then I'll have a chance to see them and meet their little guy.
Incentive!

Initial reaction

2011-06-27T12:02:00.000-07:00

I told my parents on Saturday, I think, that I have officially decided to move to Pennsylvania to attend Philadelphia Biblical University.

My mom called me today at work, freaked out in a way that only parents can be freaked out.

She wanted to know what I'd do for a job? And what happens if I don't find one?? Because then my current job would be gone???

Then she wanted to know about traveling at the end of December!, across the country including two or three mountain ranges!!, and through states that are known to have real winter snows!!!!

All I could do was smile and listen and told her I'd call back later. I work in a small office where everyone can hear my phone calls and I really didn't want to get into this at work, as I've yet to tell my boss the good news that my days are numbered (good news to me, not him).

I'll admit the moving element does have me a little worried but it's still a half a year away...and I'm quick to think that it will all work out (a sentiment my parents do not confidently share).

Good times. :)

Just a few things.

2011-06-24T12:14:00.000-07:00

I have worn a dress more times in the last month than I have in the last ten years, at least. Crazy. It feels odd but sweetly feminine. I like it!

I recently bought (and gave away) a book on gratitude:

One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp...it's a good book (at least the first half I read was good...then I gave it away). I intend to quickly buy it again so that I can finish it up. I have been writing down things to be grateful for over the last month and half...it's a good exercise to reflect on the day and see the good in it.

When I was in Ohio, I got to see one of my kiddos from Germany. He brought me this:

A smores donut...it's a donut with marshmallow creme on top, crushed grahams, and a chocolate drizzle. I thanked him, did a happy dance, and told him he is my favorite kid ever! The donut was very VERY sweet and I ended up eatting only half with strong coffee.

I need a new coffee-date friend. The friend I could always depend on for coffee-dates moved to Mexico. Can you believe it? The nerve of her to go serve God in Mexico when I need her for coffee-dates! :) So now, I'm coffee-date-less and I would really like a coffee-date. I guess this a good opportunity for me to build a connection with someone new.

Over the fourth of July weekend (2nd-4th), I'm going to Portland, Oregon! Okay, Portland is only about 3.5 hours south of me but I never go there! I'm going to visit a friend and hopefully get to see one of my kiddos from Germany (now a 2nd year college student). My friend is putting a little list together of sites we can visit...it occurred to me that while I've been to Portland before, I'm not sure I've ever been a "tourist" in Portland...so this could be pretty cool.

Just what I needed.

2011-06-22T08:20:00.000-07:00

The day had been long. And draining.
All I had been listening to, it seemed, was negativity and frustration. I spent most of the day looking at the clock, willing it to go just a bit faster, until the time that coworkers would leave, so that there could be peace and quiet.

All I wanted to do was to go home, alone, and veg out...watch a movie, read a book...relax and unwind.
But I had already committed myself for the evening.
I had agreed to go to a concert with my sister and I no longer wanted to go.
But the concert ended up being just what I needed!

The group we saw was Gungor.
Their songs and lyrics took me on a journey from focusing on self to God.
Below are some of the lyrics that spoke to me (from a variety of songs):

Jesus, You’re the one who saves us

Constantly creates us into something new

Jesus You’re the one who finds us

Surely our Messiah will make all things new

I'm looking for a place
that I can plant my faith
one thing I know for sure

please be my strength
please be my strength
I don't have anymore
I don't have anymore

My faith was torn to shreds

heart in the balance

but you were there

always faithful

always good

you still have me

you still have my heart

who is like the lord
the maker of the heavens
lover of my soul
who takes me from the ashes
who heals me of my blindness
who is like the Lord

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of the dust

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of us

Holy, Holy

Holy, Holy Lord the earth is Yours and singing

Holy, Holy

Holy, Holy Lord

The earth is Yours

All the above songs are from their new CD: Beautiful Things.

A little folkish, a little rockish, a whole lot good!

Anyhow, I have one extra copy, if anyone would like to have it.

Just leave me a note...and I'll connect with you about shipment.

You won't be disappointed if you get this CD (through my little give-away or otherwise)...but I suppose if you don't like it, you could probably find someone else who would be blessed by it.

Leave a note if you're interested in the CD.

Enjoy your day!

dazed and confused

2011-06-21T13:41:00.000-07:00

I've been on vacation this past week, roaming around the southwestern part of Ontario, Canada and even into Northern Ohio. A college friend of mine got married and I wanted to witness his joy (and meet his bride, who is delightful). So....since I very rarely go over to that region, I took advantage of the opportunity to see 4 sets of friends: 2 college friends and 2 couples that I worked with in Germany. A very nice and very fast week!

But now I'm back at work and have a heap of things to sort through...to figure out what I've missed and what still needs to be taken care of. Coming back is always a bit stunning. I just need to push through this so that I can feel tidy and organized.

Speaking of tidy and organized...my bedroom is a mess. I share an apartment with my sister, which has been and is good, but one thing that irks me...a pet peeve, if you will...is that whenever she "cleans" the main living area, she just throws all my stuff in my bedroom. Yes, I know this sounds logical but it makes my room a mess as I then have to sort and figure out what is there. I guess the thing that really gets to me is that clearly books go on the bookshelf, movies go in the movie case, junk mail is clearly junk mail, and bills go in one neat stack on the bookshelf...but they all get thrown in my bedroom. I'm itching to get my room all clean again as the current state leaves me frustrated and tired...but am not sure if the cleaning will happen today.

However...

The greatest area of being dazed and confused is not at work or my apartment but over my future and what God desires for me. I am 90% certain that I'm forgetting about the Master's of Science in Education degree, even though I was just accepted into the program. And am now cautiously/hesitantly pursuing a Master's of Science in Bible degree...but to what avail? Yes, this degree interests me greatly but do I really want to be a Bible teacher? Round and round and round the thoughts go in my head. One friend in Canada thinks I should ditch school (as I already have a Bachelors and Masters), and should jump into ministry. While I appreciate his advise, it has only helped in leaving me conflicted and confused. So my prayer has become James 1:5: "if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all men, generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him." Yep...that's what I need.

So yeah...that's where things stand.
If God tells you what I should do, please let me know! :)

Family and friends

2011-06-10T09:17:00.000-07:00

--My parents are leaving today (to move to Arizona). I had to say goodbye to my old house, my old bedrooms, and to my parents. It wasn't awful. The only time I got choked up was when an elder from our church, who also happened to be my parent's realtor, stopped by to say goodbye, "as a friend, not a realtor." For some reason that touched me....then, not wanting to cry, I took a big swallow, looked away briefly, and was back to "normal" in seconds.

--I leave tomorrow...which I'm so excited for except for the fact that I am so tired! I have had late nights this week and haven't had a chance to catch up on sleep. Tomorrow (Saturday), I have to be at the airport at 6am...so no sleeping in then. Where am I going? To visit a number of friends and to attend a friend's wedding...in Toronto, Ontario! It has been 7 years since I last made it to that neck of the woods and seen those college friends.

--Last night, my family went out to dinner. When we were done, we needed to get going to head back to my parent's house for more packing and cleaning.
So my mom (who tends to talk a bit loudly) said, "Well, let's all head home."
My sister, embarrassed that others around might hear and think all of us adult kids live at home, said: "Shhhh!"
Then my brother piped up saying, in a louder volume: "Us kids need to get home for bedtime!"
At this point, my mom and I started laughing and laughing...and my sister walked off.
I think my brother is hilarious! He comes up with little lines which he says so seriously, that reduces me to laughter.

A heart that allows interruptions

2011-06-08T09:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon, I received a call asking me to substitute lead a small group at my church's youth group. I would have the high school girls. I said I would and am glad I did!

The youth group is going through Francis Chan's book Crazy Love, which I've only read a portion of myself. Chan has created small video clips to accompany his book and facilitate small group discussion.

Last night's topics were on letting people "bother" us, obsession for Christ, and living like the early church.

One thing I have had to learn (and need to continually put into practice) is letting people interrupt my time and space. It can be easy to have an agenda...to be so focused on a list of things, which may all be perfectly valid things...that I fail to allow myself to minister to others. Or there are other times when I may not be loaded down with an agenda but am simply tired and worn down. All I want to do is to be quiet or alone and someone wants to talk.

Jesus was so good at this element. How many times did he seek to get away and people would find them? In those times, he willingly ministered to others even when he was tired and wanted space. And how many times was he in route to some place, only to be interrupted by another person?

One story I mentioned to the girls last night is the story of Jesus healing Jarius' daughter and the hemorrhaging woman. Jesus is on his was to see Jarius' daughter and to heal her of her sickness. The urgency was there...she wasn't doing well and Jarius', full of love, had desperately sought out Jesus. Gotta hurry, gotta get there... Then suddenly, in route, Jesus stops. His journey is interrupted by a woman, who also desired healing from her 12 year history of bleeding. Even though she quietly reached out to Jesus when his robes brushed by her and had received immediate healing, Jesus stopped to minister to her heart. Her body was whole again but he stopped to breathe encouragement and affirmation over her, knowing that for the last 12 years, she has been cast-out of society due to her uncleanliness. Jesus gave her complete redemption. That blessing would have been missed, if Jesus hadn't allowed this interruption!

But the story doesn't end. While this happens, Jarius' daughter dies! Jarius' heart must have stopped as grief flooded in. I sure that grief must have quickly turned to frustration and anger, towards Jesus and this woman...if only he hadn't stopped for her, if only that wretched woman would have left Jesus alone... But if Jesus hadn't allowed this interruption, then Jarius and his family would have missed out on what happens next. Jesus requests to still see Jarius' daughter and moments later brings her back to life! In that moment, Jarius and his family got to testify that Jesus is the author and sustainer of life. Think how differently they lived and viewed Jesus because Jesus restored life to the dead versus just removing a fever! I would be very surprised to learn if this did not impact the rest of their lives.

All this happened because Jesus allowed an interruption. He allowed a man to change his course and then he allowed a woman to pause his plans. And yet, a woman was given healing and restoration, the daughter was given life (and healing), and the family got to witness the power of God. And this doesn't even include the multitude of witnesses that were around...the bystanders looking in who also got to see God in action!

How many interruptions does God give us, to interact and engage with others in a way that could be life-changing and bring healing? How many times do I allow those interruptions to pass me by because I'm too tired or too busy? Oh that I may have the eyes to see God in others and the willing heart to minister to them in those moments!

Business in the front & party in the back

2011-06-07T08:34:00.000-07:00

The promised photo. The third grade mullet.

Great sweater for a great haircut!
Good times, those late 80s!

A blast of the past

2011-06-06T10:38:00.000-07:00

As my parents are moving at the end of this week, the last week was filled with the passing of mementos. Things that had been sitting at my parents house, got divvied up.

Among the things I collected over the past week were my yearbooks from elementary through high school, other such school-related keepsakes, and (horrible) photos albums I had assembled of two mission trips to Ukraine I had taken when I was 14 and 15 years old.

While I'm bound to toss the (horribly untalented) Ukraine photo albums one day, the school things are being tucked away for further enjoyment. I relish the idea of pulling them out one day and sharing them with my kiddos...to show them what I was like and looked like when I was their ages, to compare grades and handwriting, to laugh and reflect over the changes and memories.

One memory that came to mind, which I thought I'd share, pertains to the Christian school I attended from Kindergarten (age 5) to 8th grade (age 14). During my time, there was only one class for each grade...so we would be with the same 12-25 students each year (assuming they continued going to the school). As it turned out, only four of us stuck around from the entire kindergarten to 8th grade journey, with many other students coming and going throughout that time.

For some reason, my class gained the reputation of "driving" teachers away. I don't think we were an especially difficult, needy, or energetic class...I would say we were fairly normal. But of the 9 teachers that my class had, 5 of them left the school after having us. Some of them were veterans and showed no signs of thinking of leaving...they were old faithfuls, so to speak...but after at the end of our school year, we'd find out that they too were leaving. It got to be a bit comical!

Oh, and it was most definitely confirmed that in 3rd grade, I indeed had a mullet (thanks to my mom). When I showed her the incriminating photo, she laughed and pleaded that she had thought it looked "so cute" back then. Gems like that picture should be shared...I'll do my best to share it tomorrow. Stay tuned!

Psalm 143

2011-06-02T09:47:00.000-07:00

About two years ago, I memorized Psalm 143. I had read it and thought the Psalm to be words I needed to really hear...so I worked on memorizing it.

Last night, the Bible reading plan that I am following had me back in this Psalm. Only this time, I read it from my New Living Translation, instead of my usual New American Standard Bible.

1 Hear my prayer, O Lord;
listen to my plea!
Answer me because you are faithful and righteous.

2 Don’t put your servant on trial,
for no one is innocent before you.

3 My enemy has chased me.
He has knocked me to the ground
and forces me to live in darkness like those in the grave.

4 I am losing all hope;
I am paralyzed with fear.

5 I remember the days of old.
I ponder all your great works
and think about what you have done.

6 I lift my hands to you in prayer.
I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain.

7 Come quickly, Lord, and answer me,
for my depression deepens.
Don’t turn away from me, or I will die.

8 Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning,
for I am trusting you.
Show me where to walk,
for I give myself to you.

9 Rescue me from my enemies, Lord;
I run to you to hide me.

10 Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God.
May your gracious Spirit lead me forward
on a firm footing.

11 For the glory of your name, O Lord, preserve my life.
Because of your faithfulness, bring me out of this distress.

12 In your unfailing love, silence all my enemies
and destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant.

While things have changed or developed in my life since I first memorized this, my heart still aches to see the will of God unfolded in my life. I want to be His faithful servant despite what may knock me about.

Prayer retreat: communion and foot-washing

2011-06-01T09:25:00.000-07:00

This past Friday to Saturday I participated in a prayer retreat.
It ended up being a time for me to worship God and to pray on behalf of others.

The highlight of the time there was the communion and foot-washing that we all participated in, near the end. These are in remembrance of what Jesus, as seen in Luke 22 and John 13.

My sister dislikes footwashing. She's the type of person who will shave her legs and paint her toenails if she knows that a footwashing will be happening. And if she has no forewarning, then in the past, she would sit there fretting over her unshaved legs and what the other person is thinking. Foot-washing isn't a normal experience for any of us. I mean, it's one thing to have a stranger give you a pedicure...it's another thing to have a church brother or sister washing your feet. It's uncomfortable. So I appreciated when my sister affirmed the ladies by telling us, "it's okay if this is uncomfortable. Obviously Peter was uncomfortable with Christ washing his dusty feet." But like baptism, foot-washing is a symbol of being washed clean and of identifying with Christ...it also mirrors Christ's command to serve one another. Serving God isn't always easy or comfortable. Plus, my sister encouraged us to pray over the feet that we washed. I had the privilege of being paired up with my mentor-friend...so praying over her and serving her was truly a privilege. It was a great unintentional symbolic way to end our mentoring journey, over the last two years.

As for communion, if you attend church regularly, most likely, you practice communion regularly...whether every week, once a month, or once a quarter. But what I appreciated most about this particular communion was a text that my sister read to us. Often, when reflecting on communion, I think about Jesus' physical pain...the pain He willingly endured for me. I also think about my own depravity and how it was my sin that led Him to the cross. But the text that my sister read presented a different perspective. I found the text online and have pasted it below for you...it's a bit long but good! It's from Joshua Harris' Boy Meets Girl:

Why the Cross?

Because it is the unassailable proof that we can be forgiven...

...‘The face that Moses had begged to see-was forbidden to see-was slapped bloody (Exodus 33: 19-20). The thorns that God had sent to curse the earth’s rebellion now twisted around his own brow…

“On your back with you!” One raises a mallet to sink in the spike. But the soldier’s heart must continue pumping as he readies the prisoner’s writs. Someone must sustain the soldier’s life minute by minute, for no man has this power on his own. Who supplies breath to his lungs? Who gives energy to his cells? Who holds his molecules together? Only by the Son do “all things hold together” (Colossians 1: 17). The victim wills that the soldier live on-he grants the warriors continued existence. The man swings.

As the man swings, the Son recalls how he and the Father first designed the medial nerve of the human forearm-the sensations it would be capable of. The design proves flawless-the nerves perform exquisitely. “Up you go!” They lift the cross. God is on display in his underwear and can scarcely breathe.

But these pains are a mere warm-up to his other and growing dread. He begins to feel a foreign sensation. Somewhere during this day an unearthly foul odor began to waft, not around his nose, but his heart. He feels dirty. Human wickedness starts to crawl upon his spotless being-the living excrement from our souls. The apple of his Father’s eye turns brown with rot.

His father! He must face his Father like this!

From heaven the Father now rouses himself like a lion disturbed, shakes his mane, and roars against the shriveling remnant of a man hanging on a cross. Never has the Son seen the Father look at him so, never felt even the least of his hot breath. But the roar shakes the unseen world and darkens the visible sky. The Son does not recognize these eyes.

“Son of Man! Why have you behaved so? You have cheated, lusted, stolen, gossiped-murdered, envied, hated, lied. You have cursed, robbed, overspent, overeaten-fornicated, disobeyed, embezzled, and blasphemed. Oh, the duties you have shirked, the children you have abandoned! Who has ever so ignored the poor, so played the coward, so belittled my name? Have you ever held your razor tongue? What a self-righteous, pitiful drunk-you, who molest young boys, peddle killer drugs, travel in cliques, and mock your parents. Who gave you the boldness to rig elections, foment revolutions, torture animals, and worship demons? Does the list never end! Splitting families, raping virgins, acting smugly, playing the pimp-buying politicians, practicing exhortation, filming pornography, accepting bribes. You have burned down buildings, perfected terrorist tactics, founded false religions, traded in slaves-relishing each morsel and bragging about it all. I hate, loathe these things in you! Disgust for everything about you consumes me! Can you not feel my wrath?”

Of course the Son is innocent. He is blamelessness itself. The Father knows this. But the divine pair have an agreement, and the unthinkable must now take place. Jesus will be treated as if personally responsible for every sin ever committed.

The Father watches as his heart’s treasure, the mirror-image of himself, sinks drowning into raw, liquid sin. Jehovah’s stored rage against humankind from every century explodes in a single direction.

“Father! Father! Why have you forsaken me?!”

But heaven stops its ears. The Son stares up at the One who cannot, who will not, reach down or reply.

The Trinity had planned it. The Son endured it. The Spirit enabled him. The Father rejected the Son whom he loved. Jesus, the God-man from Nazareth, perished. The Father accepted his sacrifice for sin and was satisfied. The Rescue was accomplished.’

Prayer retreat

2011-05-27T09:18:00.000-07:00

For the last five or six Memorial Day weekends, the women's ministry, at my church, has hosted a one night/two day prayer retreat. It is located at a private home that sits right on the ocean (!) and is about 50 minutes away. Being that it is at someone's house, the attendance has to be kept fairly small, approximately 25 ladies.

This year marks the third year I will be attending.

Every year tends to go the same way for me. About a month or so in advance, I'm really looking forward to it. Time alone to pray, on the ocean front, silence, fellowship, and worship....sign me up, baby! But then days before, even up to the day of, I suddenly don't want to go. I'm tired...I want to stay home...I really don't want to be around 25 other ladies, even for one night and two days. But because I paid and said I'd go (and because my sister has overseen last year's and this year's retreat and would give me grief for backing out), I go.

Then somewhere during the time, God meets me there and I meet God there.
And the weekend is just what I need.

For you who have never heard of a prayer retreat, here's what my church does:
It goes from Friday dinner to Saturday dinner. On Friday, there is a devotional to prepare the ladies for the weekend and a time of singing praises to God. On Saturday, there is usually a devotional of sorts in the morning and then the afternoon is ours. There are several stations that you can work through, if you choose, that deal with various topics like adoration, identity in God, who God is, forgiveness, hindrances, working through the Lord's prayer, etc. The entire afternoon is a time of silence. If you want to sit on the beach the entire afternoon and forget the stations, no problem...it's your time to spend with God. They also encourage fasting, if you desire to do so...although it's not required. The fast and the silence is broken before dinner when we have a time of communion and sharing. Then after dinner, we all go home to enjoy the rest of the weekend as we wish.

Last year, I went really wanting to hear from God in regards to the areas of future ministry/career and my future husband. It occurs to me that not too much has changed since last year, although I have personally, a bit. I would love to hear from God again in those areas of my life but am open to hearing whatever He has to share. Even if I just spend the weekend praising God for who He is, it will be a good time.

Okay...so just typing this has made me once again excited to go. Too often we allow life to just carry us down the road. We try to keep God the focus of who are we and what we're doing...sometimes we succeed and other times we don't. It's a learning process. But this weekend is a chance to step away from the crazy lives we lead and to expectantly be with God. I hope that when I move away from my church, that I will continue this yearly practice, either for myself or including others, because I need it. We all need it!

Have a good weekend, my friends!

The Place of Nothingness

2011-05-26T08:39:00.000-07:00

**Okay a week ago I shared that a friend of mine got me the book Reckless Faith. So after finishing the book and typing yesterday's post, I sent her a note thanking her for buying this unknown book (she "randomly" found it). And I shared the two blog posts I've written about it. Right after that, she check hers next email, which I'm sure made her laugh out loud, and she KNEW she had to send it on to me...it was a daily devotional that she gets. It is so good, I knew I had to post it on here as a follow up. Happy reading.**

The Place of Nothingness

TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2, by Os Hillman

05-25-2011

"Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10) .

Do you find yourself in a place of nothingness? There is a time and place in our walk with God in which He sets us in a place of isolation and waiting. It is a place in which all past experiences are of no value. It is a time of such stillness that it can disturb the most faithful if we do not understand that He is the one who has brought us to this place for only a season. It is as if God has placed a wall around us. No new opportunities - simply inactivity.

During these times, God is calling us aside to fashion something new in us. It is a place of nothingness designed to call us to deeper roots of prayer and faith. It is not a comfortable place, especially for a task-driven workplace believer. Our nature cries out, "You must do something" while God is saying, "Be still and know that I am God." You know the signs that you have been brought into this place when He has removed many things from your life and you can't seem to change anything. Perhaps you are unemployed. Perhaps you are laid up with an illness.

Many people live a very planned and orchestrated life where they know almost everything that will happen. But for people in whom God is performing a deeper work, He brings them into a time of quietness that seems almost eerie. They cannot see what God is doing. They just know that He is doing a work that cannot be explained to themselves or to others.

Has God brought you to a place of nothingness? Be still and know that He really is God. When this happens, your nothingness will be turned into something you will value for the rest of your life.

Let Go and Be Led, Part 2

2011-05-25T11:00:00.000-07:00

(First things first, the book that I am referring to is titled "Reckless Faith" by Beth Guckenberger. "Let Go and Be Led" is the tagline which I think should be my mantra in the year ahead. Per my opinion, this book is a two thumbs up...way up!)

Beth shares this story about a time when she participated in a disabilities lesson, specifically dealing with blindness. She went to this room with no windows, lights turned off, and there was only way to get from one edge of the room to the other: "The only saving grace is the voice of the guide." At times we feel lost in the thick darkness around us, whether by sharing in the pain of others or muddling through our own pains. The darkness can be stifling and overwhelming...I've been there. It helps to remember that you are not alone. However, maybe you've had times, like I've had, where the Guide is silent. I've heard it said that if you get lost, the best thing to do is stay put...sit down and don't keep wandering. Maybe it's the same spiritually...when in darkness or feeling lost, when the Guide is present but silent, that is the time to calm your spirit and settle in...perhaps the Guide has a lesson to teach.

I, the Lord, have called you in righteousness; I will take hold of your hand. I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people and a light for the Gentiles, to open eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness. Isaiah 42:6-7

I don't have all the answers...I'm just working through my own experiences and trying to see God and hear God myself. But maybe the darkness or the solitude is a time of preparation. "Having vision, listening to God, and stepping out in faith all mean that my life experiences are building within me principles that I need for God's next call." Times of darkness or bondages, and the struggles and learning that occur in those times, can provide opportunities for ministry in the future, in addition to strengthening your relationship with God. Naturally the process isn't easy...in fact, when in the midst, I sure wouldn't mind skipping the struggle. I pray for a spiritual "clapper" (you know that old commercial, "clap on, clap off, the clapper"...google it, if you don't know what I'm talking about...an advertising gem, although it apparently works.) I start to feel uncomfortable or get weary of the darkness. I want to clap my hand and have a light to show me the way out. But I've yet to ever receive a clapper light. Usually the way it goes is that I wait and wait and wait and then one day, a little spot of light brighten the floor right in front of me. So I take a step and wait again. A slow refining process. "He's much more interested in the development of my dependence on him and my relationship with him than he is in impressing me with his plans." Okay, I'm starting to ramble...let me wrap this up by saying that I'm confident there will be continual struggles and periods of darkness, off and on, in my life until I go to be with the Lord. Some moments will be harder or last longer than others but looking back to the verse, the promise remains the same that God promises light and freedom. He has not forsaken me. He has not forsaken you.

Talking it up!

2011-05-23T09:31:00.000-07:00

The "average" woman talks anywhere from 20,000-50,000 words a day, depending on what article you read.

The "average" man talks anywhere from 12,000-25,000 words a day, according to the same sources.

I think it is safe to say that I am below average. Every once in a while, I get chatty, especially if it's a topic that I really passionate about. But for the most part, I'm a listener more than a talker.

That's probably why I'm always drawn towards talkers. Many of my closest friends over the years are the extroverted chatty types who talk way more than I do and get way more excited than I do. But I find they are the yin to my yang...how's that for a cheesy line? Their chattiness and extroverted-ness draws me out, gets me involved, and engages more of me. I've had so many great experiences by having them as my friends.

That's all...there's no point to this post other than to share what I just wrote.
Does this count as part of my daily 20,000-50,000 words?

Remembering the scars

2011-05-20T12:37:00.000-07:00

Today is one of those work days where starting around 9am, I was thinking...come on 5pm. There is tension in the office for reasons I won't explain. But having been on the receiving end of some of the reasons, I am sitting at my desk quietly, try to keep a pure mind through prayer and streaming music.

My boss' wife even came in today and commented, "boy is it sure quiet in here." My reaction was to roll my eyes...mainly in response to how quiet it has NOT been in here.

It's amazing how one little action, the rolling of my eyes, caused me to have a flashback to another point in my life where there was conflict and tension. The scars from that time, for the most part, are healed. But scars, though they may heal physically, still leave a mark...a reminder of the pain, of the time, of the hurt. Inward scars work the same way, I suppose, although I suppose those can be easier to "re-open" if you allow them to.

This flashback immediately caused me to get angry and defensive when the situation happened approximately 5 years ago, and the characters in my life have all changed, as well as myself. While I've received healing for those scars in my life, my reaction reminds me just how much I really REALLY need God in my life. If it weren't for God, it would be oh-so-easy to fixate on my past scars and allow the wounds to fester. To see harm instead of good. Moreover it would be way easy to lash out at the tension in my current situation.

Praise God for silent tongues and refining hearts. I'll take scars any day if that means that God will continue to do a good work in me.

Let Go and Be Led

2011-05-19T10:06:00.000-07:00

I was given a book for my birthday.
It's the type of book where I looked at, thought it looked minimally interesting, and then set it aside for the next gift. "Reckless Faith"...a title that made me inwardly shrug...old story, read a book or two or three just like that already. But a few days later, I picked it up to look it over again.

Let Go and Be Led

Yes! A tagline of five little words but my heart was immediately caught...the prayer of my heart, the desire for my present/future. Then I read a small review "For those among us who feel led to care for orphans..." If those previous 5 words weren't enough, that review did me in. I knew this book had to be read and quickly!

Reckless faith isn't determined by my circumstances...it is born and can grow daily in the quiet moments when my flesh and spirit collide and I decide to let it happen.

"Reckless Faith" by Beth Guckenberger is a book that is part biography of how God has used and is using her and her husband, Todd, among orphans in Mexico, Nigeria, and India, and part the shaping of her faith through lessons that she has learned from God. I'm only a third of the way through the book but let me tell you, I'm ready to go help orphans.

Never again will I offer up an explanation that spins God as weak or passive. If God doesn't come through in the way I want him to, it should expand my view of faith, not shrink it. It means there is something else going on, something I can't see or understand, and I have the opportunity to be swept up in it or not.

My life hasn't turned out anything like I imagined. Some of that is very good. What is that one country song...sometimes the greatest blessings are the things that didn't work out??? Some of the other things leave me continually questioning where God is leading me, how God is going to use me, and when oh when will God send me my Beloved? The mystery of the unknown leaves me feeling like I am walking in darkness. But it is in my darkness where He can shine the brightest. It is in the darkness where I depend on His voice and presence all the more!

I believe in a God who is intricately woven into the soul of each person he knit together, and he has written chapters we have yet to read.

I don't know what's next. I don't the setting that will surround me or the characters that will be introduced to me. I don't even fully know the plot or how the conflict will present it. But I can rest assured that God is there. He has written my future. His desire to use me far exceeds my desire to be used.

My two-day wish list

2011-05-17T11:55:00.000-07:00

Did uncertainty come across in my last post of what's going on?
Good...because that's how I feel. :)

I was chatting Sunday night, with a woman from my church, about all of that, and after saying "I don't know..." about five times, she asked if I could anything I wanted for two days, what would I do? Anyhow, the first two things below are what came to mind but I thought I'd expand it on it just a bit more, just for kicks.

Go to Germany (Black Forest Academy)...mainly because I have 11 kiddos there who I'd love to see again and again and again. I wouldn't care if I stepped back into a dorm role temporarily, taught Bible classes, or anything else. Just to be there a couple more days would be great!
Go to Mexico where my friends are serving, in Ensenada. Part of this is that I miss my friends and part of this is that I would genuinely welcome an opportunity to see the ministry in action and to serve however possible.
Go to an African orphanage. Have you ever seen a photo of African children and NOT wanted to go and hug them all? My answer is no...I don't care where in Africa...just plop me into an orphanage and I will love on all the kiddos around.
Go to Venice, Rome, Croatia, Prague, the Normandy area of France (especially Mont Saint Michel), Jerusalem, Istanbul, Aran Islands or Puerto Rico...all for tourist reasons, as I've never been to any of those places.
Visit one or more of my friends who are scattered across the North American continent. People I rarely see due to distance.
Interview people...it wouldn't have to be big-wigs per say, although some of those would be interesting too. It could be people whose blogs I follow, authors I enjoy or admire, people who started or serve with charities, missionaries, etc...basically I would just enjoy the opportunity to hear their stories and how things in their life came to be.
Do a tour of as many of the largest (and absurd) roadside attractions in the USA as possible...I'd need some fast mode of transportation. I just think it would be fun to have the photos.

So there you have it. If you had a two-day wish list, what would be on it?

What's going on

2011-05-16T09:01:00.000-07:00

Things in my life have been a little confusing/complicated lately.
Maybe unsettled is a better word. If you've read my blog entries since April, you've read that once or twice I mentioned things going on in my life that I wasn't yet ready to share about. Well...here goes.

There are times I pray for God's guidance and I get a clear understanding of what He'd like to do or where He'd like me to go (like the decision to go to Germany). There are other times when God is (frustratingly) silent (like the decision to leave or stay in Germany). Now is also such a time.

**Sorry, I can't write without a long story to accompany it...I'll try to keep it brief but you might want to refill your coffee cup first.**

Okay, so I just graduated with a Master's of Intercultural Leadership which I have no clue how that will be used in my life, despite it being a good program/degree/experience. The initial goal was to become a career missionary. However, as my degree progressed, I became less certain that I'd be a career missionary. Don't get me wrong...I'm still very much willing to go and live and serve overseas again. I hope very much that it will be a part of my life one day but whether or not I'll live the bulk of my next 30 years overseas, is what I'm not certain of.

But because I am still interested in missions, when I went to Germany in March/April, I had lunch with a good friend of mine, who now works in the personnel office. I intentionally asked her, if I came back, what could I do? Not that I'm opposed to serving in the dorms again but I would like to consider something different perhaps. She mentioned the possibility of being a chaplain's assistant. The current female chaplain's assistant oversees the small groups, plans the short-term mission trips, and makes herself available to listen, counsel and encourage the students. The reason my friend thinks this position may open up is because this lady is trying to get pregnant. Plus, even if she stays, the middle school (6-8th) is moving to the elementary school since the elementary kids are moving to another location. So maybe there should be a chaplain and an assistant at each location. Moreover, my friend knows I have a love for teaching the Bible so she said it would be "easy" for me to pick up a class or two/week to add to my plate, if I choose. Lastly, she encouraged me to consider getting a teaching degree.

Still with me?

So since the beginning of April, the idea of getting a teaching degree has been rolling around in my head. Do I or don't I? Do I really want to be a teacher? God, what should I do? What about a full-time teacher? God, I could use your counsel. At what point do I stop the education and move into ministry? God, help, please! Am I just doing this for BFA/Germany or would I be willing to serve elsewhere? God? What happens if I start and decide I don't want to be a teacher?

Thoughts and prayers have been swirling in my head, both when I rise and when I sleep. My prayer for God's wisdom and guidance have become like a mantra.

Shortly after getting home from my vacation, I went to the BFA website. To look for inspiration or counsel or something. The one thing that stood out, that I was reminded of, is that BFA has a connection with Philadelphia Biblical Univeristy. You can work at BFA while taking classes with PBU and can earn a Master's degree. Not that I'm going to do that. I can't imagine trying to raise support for both living expenses and tuition...even though people do that. BUT...I did check out PBU (online) and feel a draw toward their campus and program. So much so that I've already started the application process.

The funny thing is that for me to get a Master's of Science in Education degree, I have to first go back to community college to pick up a few more undergrad classes for certification. I love that I just graduated with a Master's and am now going to take classes like Political Science or History 101. :) I'm planning on taking two classes in the summer and two classes in the fall with the plan of moving to Pennsylvania at the end of the year. Yes, I realise that this means I will be traveling cross-country during winter. Yes, that should be a fun trip!

View Larger Map

This whole thing (the trip, the college, living on the east coast near places I've always wanted to visit, the future possibilities, etc) make me excited. But it also has me tense...this is a huge change. I'm willing to do this but I want to know that God is in this and that it just isn't me fixating on this idea. And since God has been fairly silent, outside of this unexplainable draw, I don't yet feel assured that I am doing the right thing. So much of this crazy idea doesn't make sense. Plus, I'd have to take out student loans for the first time.

But the thing I find greatest comfort in is that if I move to Pennsylvania and eventually decide to scrap the whole thing or conclude that being a teacher isn't part of God's plan on my life, then dropping the program and/or moving back to Washington would not be the end of the world. Plus, I have a standing opportunity (kind of) to go to Mexico, if I should choose, to work with my friends.

So, I'm going for it. I don't understand why PA (and not any of the colleges nearby that offer education degrees). I'm putting things into action and still praying my mantra-like prayers asking for God's wisdom. He's free to stop this train whenever He so chooses. But until then, I'm moving forward.

I'll keep you all posted as more develops in this area of my crazy life.

It was a great party. Trust me.

2011-05-15T21:37:00.000-07:00

I had a party on Saturday to celebrate my graduation and to thank the key people who have cheered me on during the years.

I made lots of food: a quiche, a hashbrown casserole, a carrot cake, a bailey's chocolate cheesecake.

I had fun socializing, hugging, laughing, giving tours of my apartment, eating, making three pots of coffee.

I had ever intention to take photos to look back on and to share on here.

I failed miserably.

I didn't take one single photo. Sadly, I didn't even think about taking a photo until it was all over, the food was considerably digested, and the people were gone. Boo.

The moral of the story: give the responsibilities of photo taking to someone else, since I won't think of it when the time comes.

Yummy Bran Muffins

2011-05-10T09:26:00.000-07:00

Okay...so I think this is my newest addiction. You might be thinking, "bran muffins? really, Mindy??" But let me assure you that these are not only very tasty but they are very healthy! And another great thing about them is that when I eat two muffins, they keep me full for the whole morning (from 7am-12pm). Love it!!! Oh, and they freeze super well...I bag them up two muffins per bag and either throw a bag into the fridge the night before or even grab a bag out of the freezer before I leave for work.

So, let's review: tasty...healthy...keeps me full...and freezes well!!!! A winning combo.
So, without further ado, here's the recipe:

1.5 cups wheat bran (I use Kellogg's All Bran)
1 cup fat free vanilla yogurt (okay, so I buy those 6 oz yogurt containers and then add 1/4 cup milk)
1/3 cup applesauce
2 egg whites
4 packets of splenda
1.5 tablespoons brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup flour (I use oat flour but white or wheat would work fine too)
1 teaspoon each of baking powder and baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 cup cranberries (I use diced prunes because our office was sent 25 lbs by mistake...raisins, dried cherries, etc would work well too)

Preheat the oven to 375F/190C. Either use muffin liners or spray the pan well.

In a medium mixing bowl, combine the wheat bran, applesauce, yogurt/milk, egg whites, sugar/splenda, and vanilla extract. Mix well and let sit for 10 minutes.

In a separate bowl, mix together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon. Add to wet moisture and mix until mostly blended. Add in dried fruit and stir only until combined. Spoon into the muffin liners, approx 2/3 full. Should make 12 muffins.

Bake for 20 minutes or until the toothpick come out clean.
Yummy warm or cool. Throw into bags and freeze or eat and enjoy!
A good way to incorporate fiber into your diet...if you're thinking about that type of thing! :)

Reminders from Isaiah

2011-05-09T10:34:00.000-07:00

I am the LORD, I have called You in righteousness,
I will also hold You by the hand and watch over You,
And I will appoint You as a covenant to the people,
As a light to the nations,

I will lead the blind by a way they do not know,
In paths they do not know I will guide them
I will make darkness into light before them
And rugged places into plains
These are the things I will do,
And I will not leave them undone.

Isaiah 42:6, 16 (NASB)

I grabbed my journal last night. I write so rarely in it but was feeling the need last night to put down a few thoughts that have been weighing on me. I took a minute at the end, to flip back to previous entries and found one from a year ago that included Isaiah 42:16. I remember how when I found this verse, it struck me that I felt like I was the blind person, unable to see what God was doing and where God was leading me. A year later, while some things have changed or developed, I still feel in the dark...very much in need of God's guidance and voice. I love the promise that He is present and is leading me.

There may be some "darkness" in my life now but the Lord promises light. And even more than that, He promises to use me to be a light for others. Oh, how I pray that would be so.